News from AgreeableFlamingo871

  1. I got blindsided by my ex who I met on Hinge after an 8 month relationship. Didn’t have a clue in the world it was coming. I can tell you that being delivered the news in person doesn’t hurt any less. Not to scare you, but my reality is that it’s been taking me a while. The breakup was almost 8 months ago now. I feel loads better, but I haven’t had the energy to fully get back out there yet. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried getting back on Hinge in spurts, but I’m getting burnt out by it faster than ever each time.

  2. I really do see the effort they put into attempting to change things after the whole fan experience outcry last season, but it hasn’t been enough. The chicken fingers and fries and the Premio sausages have always been a safe bet by default and I usually get one of the two when I eat at the Rock. I was excited to at least try some of the other items this year after the supposed upgrades, but everything’s been a complete miss. Burgers are still crap. Pizza is still crap.

  3. Asked out this girl I had been chatting with on the app for a few days. She enthusiastically said yes and then the next day when I set a time and place, she once again agreed BUT now she wanted to do a video call before. I thought it was a little weird she would agree to a date one day then suggest a call the next, but whatever, I agreed, wasn’t a big deal to me. So after another few days of back and forth, we chatted via FT for about 20 mins. Convo was good, nothing special. Right after we end the call she cancels the date saying she got friend vibes over the call…

  4. This might be an unfair generalization, but I feel like people who insist on a screening process with a FaceTime date kinda go into it with the presumption that the other person is going to fail the test. So it's like unless it goes really well and exceeds expectations, the default is for them to say it didn't go well and they got a bad vibe. I think a lot of these people are probably just looking for any excuse to not go on the date, but they need to go through some "process" in order to convince themselves or something like that.

  5. It’s a good way to waste other people’s energy too. At least in my eyes, even if a first date (in-person) doesn’t turn into a second, it’s a nice reward for going through the trouble of matching, chatting, coordinating plans, etc. Worst case you spend an hour grabbing drinks with someone you have a few things in common with.

  6. 28F. I see you’re wearing a cross. What is your religion and politics listed as?

  7. I don’t have them visible. (Prefer not to say in settings). I’m not very political or religious. The cross was a gift from a loved one who passed when I was a kid. I’ve worn it since and that’s mainly why I wear it

  8. I'd mention the cross in your prompt then to clarify that you're not actively practicing. Especially with no politics listed, a lot of folks will take that to mean you're right wing but looking to date left wing.

  9. Thanks for the feedback. I’ll just add in the not political option to be visible on my profile for now, as that’s an easy step. We’ll see where that takes us

  10. The fact you're even getting likes is a plus. Women get 20-50 to even 100 likes on the regular so sometimes it takes awhile for them to find yours.

  11. Oh for sure. Not naive to the fact that getting consistent likes as a guy is really good news. I’m kind of hoping that getting more likes means I’m attractive to more women, but it still hasn’t shown in getting matches from sending likes yet.

  12. Or the type of women you like just don’t like you 🤷‍♀️ same as what is happening to you

  13. Have definitely thought about this. But then how does that explain when I was turning likes into matches a few weeks ago? I can assure you I’m not “punching above my weight class” here haha

  14. I’m a big proponent of telling yourself whatever you need to tell yourself to get through the initial grief. But after some time you gotta start pushing through and living your life. Don’t let the breakup define you for too long. You’ll realize it too. I’m almost 6 months out of being dumped and despite still having some bad days, I literally don’t know what else I have to say about the situation that I haven’t said already. I know what I need to do to push through it now.

  15. Honestly the way I see it, it’s nothing but good news if your ex has someone new immediately after. It shows they have major codependency issues and it allows you to face that pain of them being with someone else right away.

  16. It’s either they respect you enough to just leave you be or they can’t face you because they know they hurt a person who treated them well. I don’t think it’s ever a case of them not caring, especially if you treated them well and the relationship was healthy.

  17. Yeah, no self-help sub is useful for too long. It's been good at getting me to take a step back and see myself and my situation from other perspectives. It's good to see I'm not alone in certain dynamics.

  18. Yep absolutely. Early on when I joined these subs I was extremely comforted in the reassurance I got on my ex being avoidant, lacking communication, etc. But at the same time, I think some of the toxicity around here made my mind vilify her into this monster. I guess it helped because I’m much better now, but I don’t want that anger around anymore. It’s such a heavy burden to cary. At the end of the day, my ex didn’t want to be with me for whatever reason. Did she go about it the best way? No, I’m not excusing that. But she’s not some villain. She’s a normal person with issues like all of us. It’s hard to get to a point of being at peace when you’re checking this sub a lot

  19. yeah its ironic because so many people here are "no contact" even though they spend all their time still talking about their ex on this subreddit/other subreddits. they're still obsessing over them, just in a different way which they are lying to themselves about to convince themselves it's healthy. but no, it's still unhealthy, as you haven't actually moved on, you're still ruminating about them and you still have feelings for them, doesn't matter if you think you're "no contact", you're not really until you have stopped even talking/obessing about them. this subreddit is a tool that is valid but to be truly no contact you have to leave them behind completely. no more obsessing.

  20. I agree. I also think there’s a fine line though. If you’re still having thoughts about your ex after some time I think it’s okay to talk to a friend, family member, therapist etc. about it. Just don’t go feeding into it by searching for posts on why your ex said this, viewed your story, how NC will get them back, etc. There’s a lot of hurting people on this sub fresh out of being treated horribly. I was there 5 months ago. It’s really difficult to see things clearly when you’re in that stage. It’s not healthy for a person further in their recovery to keep seeing some of the posts from people in that spot.

  21. Thank you so much for this. I’m 5 months out from a breakup which knocked me so flat on my ass emotionally for about 3 months. But you know what? I chose myself everyday those 3 months. Some mornings when my 5 am alarm went off to hit the gym I literally felt hopeless, but I kept telling myself, “Getting your ass up is for you. Don’t let yourself down.” And I’m proud to say I didn’t. I’ve invested in therapy, I meditate and journal everyday now. I doubled down on giving my extra love to family and friends. It’s been a difficult journey and it still is at times. But I look back on those first few months post BU and I’m so proud of not giving up on myself. Not to brag, but I honestly haven’t gone a week without a close family member or friend saying something along the lines of, “I’m so proud of what you’ve done these 5 months. You are already the best version of yourself I’ve ever seen.”

  22. 6 Months - I thought I was ready, unmute / unblocked her. Nope I was not ready. Back to the grind.

  23. Felt the same a few times these past months. Just tell yourself you’ll do it permanently and forget about it. As sad as it seems, there’s no reason you need to see their stuff at all in the future.

  24. Honestly? Time. Remember when I saw a picture of my ex for the first time post BU. Killed me. Sat with it for a few weeks and just became cool with the fact she was going to keep living. Also remember when I found out she was on a dating app from a friend. Killed me. Sat with the emotions and just once again accepted she was going to do whatever she needed to do to move on. I’m confident I’ll get through this spiral I’m currently in now because I’ve got through them before just sitting with the thoughts and meditating/journaling about them. You will too. Just give it time

  25. Tell me about it. I never actually lost myself in my last relationship, so this advice falls incredibly flat. I already take very good care of myself. I'm just fucking heartbroken. Doubling down on "self care" isn't going to do any more good than what I'm already doing.

  26. Yup, this is me. My ex is the one who lost herself during our relationship. She dropped going to the gym. Spent less time on her hobbies and with friends. We bonded so much over going to the gym when we first met.

  27. I got blindsided in June following an 8 month relationship. Fortunately, I started going to the gym back in February 2021 so I was already very much in the habit when my breakup rolled around.

  28. Avoidance of difficult conversations and not being in touch with her emotions. Whenever I initiated a conversation about where the relationship stood and wanted her thoughts on something I was always met with, “I don’t know, I can’t really describe how I’m feeling.”

  29. I think it has to do with emotional unavailability. Nobody takes time to heal and deal with their own shit anymore. It makes for a market filled with emotionally unavailable people (especially OLD). Why work on yourself when you can just download an app and have a profile up and running in five minutes?

  30. I agree with a lot of things other people have written here, about Covid being a factor and also the time of year. But I’m also wondering how you’re gauging success? Are you getting matches that are more compatible with you? Or are you just gauging it on the number of matches or likes that are sent to you?

  31. I would say I’m measuring more off number of matches. I don’t even take into account getting liked first. I got 95% of my matches from sending out likes last year. Honestly I can’t even guage how compatible the matches have been yet as there’s only five of them. Had good convos with two of them and one made it off the app and fizzled before planning a date.

  32. What are you defining as success - getting a bunch of matches, or getting compatible matches?

  33. Honestly it’s a combination of both. Last year getting around 3-5 matches a week I felt like many of them I at least had good convos with. Obviously some duds in there but it was definitely worth getting through them to land a few first dates.

  34. If you are outside NY you should be getting a lot more profile traffic.

  35. Don’t have preferred, but I swipe almost every day and go through my 6-8 likes. I don’t have any of my political, religious, or virtues visible in my profile and don’t have them set as dealbreakers as well. The only thing I can pinpoint that is different from last year is that I have looking for a LTR on my profile, but I’m pretty sure you can’t filter that out with free or preferred.

  36. No way for us to know when we don’t know your location.

  37. Just outside of NYC, but I have my distance set to exclude it because traveling there is a major pain. I’m about 30 miles out from it and have my distance set to 25.

  38. That they are far more in touch with their emotions than men are. With all due respect to my ex, she didn’t have a clue how to express and process her emotions. Made things insanely frustrating at times.

  39. My ex blindsided me about 4 months ago, and let me tell you, I have had some emotional mornings in the gym since.

  40. I think the most important thing is to just be in pain. Feel the emotions, feel the anger, the sadness, all of it. Cry whenever you need to. Doesn’t matter if it’s a week after the breakup, or you’re still working through it after 4 months. You gotta deal with those emotions so they don’t come out of nowhere and surprise you down the road.

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