News from LBelaqua

  1. Was very hard for me too. Now it's still not easy but I just do it. Sick of waiting for "tomorrow" to start enjoying my life. I did have a major health incident that could have left me immobilized, so that was quite the wake up call.

  2. I totally relate. I regret not using my stickers and best art supplies as a kid "saving them for later." I hope to learn from that. I kind of think I suck at traveling and simultaneously dont want to spend the money on it, but I want to go with my husband soon we haven't in years. I do like seeing new places, historical things, and new food!

  3. This is such an interesting the thread to explore. I have similar tendencies, not wanting to spend, money or internal energy. Which for me I did not experience material deprivation growing up, just knowing parents negotiated over money. It translated into saving and risk aversion. But also maybe emotional needs not being met means you think of them as frivolous and unneeded. So if emotional comforting is not needed (or some other emotional need is mislabeled as extra) of course the really frivolous stuff seems extravagant by comparison.

  4. My sympathies, this all sounds so tough. Maybe look through this sub for book recommendations for your own mental health work? If reading feels too much maybe the audio book version? The Body Keeps the Score was my introduction, but others recommend What Happened to You, or How to Do the Work, or Complex cptsd from Surviving to Thriving.

  5. I just have fermentation weights and do not have a way to prevent the juniper berries from rising to the top. Although it looks like one of the beets is breaking the surface in this photo it is not. That being said, should I toss this and start over?

  6. Ha I thought your juniper berries were blueberries and thought that's an interesting mix. Hard to tell but it just looks like bubbles to me. I just use a spoon to skim.

  7. These are all such solid points. I am getting ahead of myself. This is all stemming from a old healthy connection that’s reached out recently. I can’t make it work despite this recent big shift and a previous mutual interest. It’s frustrating and a bit heartbreaking. I want to skip to the fun part where I can finally start living. Safety can’t be bypassed though. I’ve read somewhere these CPTSD subreddits that you can only meet someone as deeply as you met yourself. I believe that perfectly sums up your point, I just need to put it into practice. Thanks for the thoughtful response.

  8. Nerdityabounds is spot on. I think you get it. I also wanted to add it also speaks to your list of what you're going to do to be healthy with self care, eating, and exercise. Are you taking on too much at once, those are good long term goals, but pick one smaller sub thing that's manageable and do that well for a couple months before adding another. Maybe the first is not even a 'doing' task but a reflecting thing like 5 min meditation, or a journal.

  9. I am concerned about the damage this is causing. And what is also concerning is if we do separate, and the kids are then forced to have visits with him. This is my whole scenario I envision: we split, he most definitely fights fur done type of custody, which would almost certainly be weekends due to his job, the kids are forced to go, but now I’m not there to intermediate, and so they are left to their own emotions without someone to help them.

  10. I'm sorry your going through this. I think cdelphia is right, you are clearly caring and good mom. That is worth a lot. I thought it might be helpful to offer my perspective as an adult child of divorced parents. My dad was also not a threat to my safety but not really emotionally mature. I saw him every other weekend. He did grow a little on his own, still not aware if CEN but worked on his anger, depression, and availability. Unfortunately it's my mother who did not seem to grow, very loving but not emotionally attuned.

  11. What percentage salt are you using? I have heard peppers need more salt than some other veg. That was my experiance.

  12. I was doing a mix of 5 cups of water to 6 1/4 tsp of salt, I’ve bumped that up to 7 1/4 tsp to 5 cups now though

  13. OK it looks like water is 237g per 1cup. If your using average table salt it should be close to 6g per teaspoon. So the 7.25 tsp to 5 cups, is 43g salt / 1185g water, so that would be 3.6% for just salt brine (not including peppers) that seems good.

  14. I'm sorry you are going through it. I started targeting ones with wait lists because then there is some hope, and eventually one came available. Maybe your city is extra bad, is it worth trying a telehealth option outside your city?

  15. For what it's worth I don't necessarily read this as your therapist says the boyfriend is not good for you, but that all relationships may feel a certain way to you. You have to bring things to light about your reactions to things and decide is this based on the here and now or are they skewed by your original attachment style? Or both. Forewarned is forarmed, know yourself. Example, Oh yes I sometimes feel trapped by relationships, but I know that is just a temporary feeling, and I also know he is supportive of any changes I want to make or dreams I want to follow.

  16. White (and sometimes blue) mold is okay and sometimes preferable or de riguer on ferments. Salami, miso, tempeh, etc will all have white mold. Blue mold is just penicillin, and won't hurt you unless you have an allergy.

  17. Hi, I know this is old, but maybe you have some insight. It seems folks are a lot more willing to risk different molds with things like miso, is there any basis for this? If there is no mold on the miso under a layer of saran wrap, is there any concern for mold on the side of the vessel? If you see any mold in lacto jars its toss because this is indication of contamination of the whole product, whereas many people seem to think miso can be scraped off.

  18. This is 4 months, the liquid came out with the saran wrap. I will definately try the miso, but my husband will not because of mold on side of jar. Which is a bummer because he can't do regular soy miso.

  19. I think the feelings of emptiness and pessimism are one of the most painful things about CEN for me. Im like you, I have a great job, lovely bf and I feel safer and more settled than I ever have. The feelings of unease, dissatisfaction and futility are ever present.

  20. Op's and your post are so helpful to read, as this is the residual I am trying to deal with. My therapist asks what are my goals for therapy and I find it hard to articulate beyond just saying I'm pessimistic and have social anxiety and confidence issues. I tend to feel silly saying I want to work on happiness, because I know people aren't always happy, but "feelings of unease, dissatisfaction, and futility are ever present."

  21. This is awesome. I am also finding that career wise and in other parts of my life. I call it ‘growing up”. It’s like moving to the next level of adulting or something. I’ve done this level and now it’s time to move on. I’m growing.

  22. Yes, I am realizing my career path was for an unhealed version of me (paralegal, admin with glorified title). But I don't quiet know myself well enough to pick a new direction and I'm worried it's too late.

  23. Yep, child of divorce here who for a long time believed it wasn't that bad so my problems were my own, and it still trips me up. I still struggle with that self development beyond survival and knowing what I actually enjoy or who's company would I actually like. General pessimism about life. But in therapy again so have some new things to try.

  24. Sorry you went through this. :( That's psychiatrists for you. They exist to prescribe medication.

  25. Yeah my first encounter with a mental health professional was a psychiatrist long ago who didn't believe me when I said no I didn't smoke weed, so had to ask again at the next session, are you sure? I didn't even know that not believing me was a red flag at the time, or another time showing surprise at something I told him. Luckily I missed an appointment and was too anxious to book another so that ended after like 3 visits.

  26. I'm sorry that is painful to hear. Acrimonious is the perfect word, I'll be using it now for my parents divorce. My parents bad mouth each other. As an adult my mom told me once that my dad did not want another child (I'm the second). Also she was catholic. My dad was upset when I shared she said he didn't hold me when I first came home but quickly thereafter fell in love. His response was she is delusional, but also shared he thinks she holds my sibling as more special. Like wow thanks that's the best reassurance.

  27. Update. Well I'm so glad I reached out for a quick check in before next week (even though it felt uncomfortable to ask for some time). I shared some of the feelings like maybe he was questioning if I needed therapy in general. He was reassuring. He likes to do periodic check ins if we are meeting the goals and moving how I would like. He was glad I reached out and said he could see how that could be confusing, but no he didnt think I should end treatment now. He likes to engage in some of the deeper work at the right time, so when things are otherwise stable, and in a thoughtful manner. Overall feeling good, yay!

  28. His approach to therapy might not be what you need right now and that’s okay. You can bring it up at the next session or try to find another therapist. Things I would look for are trauma specialists and people who have a more psychodynamic or humanistic approach. I had a therapist before who tried CBT techniques on me right away before understanding my issues were rooted much deeper, and it didn’t help me at all. My current therapist specializes in trauma and we first worked on delving deeply into my past and working through any feelings that came up. No dismissal of my feelings, and he even got me to see that my emotions are my body’s way of communicating my needs. Good luck to you.

  29. Thanks I appreciate your response. I'm still trying to figure out if it's helpful. Luckily he does seem to be body focused, so when practicing meditation what do you feel in your body? And when you you think about something that makes you anxious what do you feel in your body? Kind of thing. For the anxiety he does use ACT which is similar in some ways, but importantly you are not supposed change your thought, but just accept that you are feeling or thinking that, and perhaps that you can see that it's a thought that it will pass. I do believe he is trauma informed, and I hope he is just being careful about not re-living trauma unnecessarily. But I also hope I'm not being naive or wishful thinking. I do have to open up more if I want help, but with the right therapist hopefully.

  30. Pretty good she's not reactive at all and we have an older lab (7 years old)

  31. That's great, good job with the training. I would just keep checking in, keep introducing to other known dogs as well as loud noises and new surfaces and such. During adolescence reactions change sometimes, or maybe you will get lucky. Keep reinforcing vet care stuff like nails and ears and teeth.

  32. Honestly, I cry during most of my sessions. Like it’s a “win” if I don’t. But what I’ve noticed is that I’ll say the exact same thing to friends and not get emotional, but then I’ll say that thing to my therapist and cry. It’s because she makes me feel soo emotionally safe that it just comes out. It was uncomfortable at first but I’ve been seeing her for years so now I’m used to it and totally fine with it. Sometimes I cry and it’s hard to continue but she’ll just say “take your time.” It’s okay to take several minutes to just cry and not speak. These releases are part of the process.

  33. The emotionally safe part makes a lot of sense.

  34. In many states CASA is a program (court appointed special advocate) for people to be on cases for youth in care of the state. It's an advocacy role, working with kids but also caseworkers and other adults to make sure the kids have what they need.

  35. It might be too much at this time, but you might look into CASA, court appointed special advocate, if your state has that. I'm going through the training now, you advocate for children in care and input on their case.

  36. I have scoliosis and have thought about this often. I'm not a botanist or a physiologist and I don't think this metaphor literally tracks, but I've sometimes thought of the way young sunflowers move to track the sun (called heliotropism) and wondered if all the ways I contorted myself in search of love as a child affected the curvature of my spine. And the chronically tight psoas, as someone else commented. It feels like a physical manifestation of a spiritual injury.

  37. Yes! I too have idiopathic scoliosis. In my 50s I’ve come to learn about the psoas muscle and its involvement in fight-flight-freeze. I began doing the

  38. Thanks for the link! I definately fall into the sitting too long for work camp. Which just exacerbates everything.

  39. Same here for the most part, aside from career path. No career here, just string of jobs. I don’t think I’ve ever actually created a goal for myself or had a “5 year plan” or anything like that. I can’t tell if the thought of that stuff repulses me, or overwhelms me. When I was younger and would get asked what I wanted for birthdays or holidays the answer was always “nothing.” At school or work, if someone brought something in to share I would always refuse. I think that comes from a place of not seeing myself as equal to others and not getting to know my likes or wants when I was younger.

  40. I relate to the childhood responses to 'what do you want' I don't know or 'would you like' no thank you. The phrase 'you need a hobby' makes me very sad (not your post), even though I had and have things I enjoy outside of school/work, it always reminds me of past instances and feeling like a failure of a human being.

  41. I just recently realized a career path that might actually interest me rather than simply being the path of least resistance. I had a brief thought of going back to school only to be devastated that it's not realistic because of all the prerequisites I don't have. And I don't have them because of trauma responses, including just being afraid of people at the time.


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