News from waterlilyr3n

  1. i saw him right after we broke up. we were walking into the campus library from different directions. i immediately panicked, started shaking. i practically ran into the building and sprinted up the very large spiral staircase (that had like 30 steps), made it to my class, and had panic waves and was experiencing tremors the entire 2.5 hour class. that was the last time i saw him.

  2. yup, and tbh i don’t know if he cheated. 99% of me feels he did (because of one specific thing that’s really impossible to tell myself “there’s no way he cheated”), but he was texting other girls and planning on “just meeting up with them”, while also sexting with them, etc. i’d caught him multiple times and confronted him. i had an event to go to right after i had come out as bi and slept over my bi friend’s apartment. we shared a bed (both of us 21F), and he accused me of cheating because i fell asleep without saying goodnight. this happened because 1. i was tired from traveling and 2. he was drinking with his friends and it was 3am. i was tired af. he told me i had cheated on him with my friend because we weren’t straight, which i never did (didn’t help he was homophobic). he’d get defensive whenever i brought up the literal facts where i caught him. it was a constant, vicious cycle.

  3. college. he was 4 weeks older than me. we had a few things in common, but because there weren’t a lot, i wanted to get to know him. he sugarcoated everything—his behaviors and personality—and trapped me. i was 19 and it was my first relationship and i thought that feeling wanted was so nice, but i wasn’t wanted. i was just there to be used.

  4. i was 6 years old, afab. my pediatrician found my enlarged thyroid gland on a routine physical. testing upon testing upon (traumatic) testing after that for months.

  5. “guard might get nervous. a woman approaches with her weapon drawn” lives in my head rent free, as does “watch the skies, traveler”

  6. it helped my nightmares but i increased to 3mg during an inpatient stay because i was having breakthroughs and it lowered my BP way too much so just be careful! i did find it helpful, but my BP was all over the place and i had to discontinue it. good luck!

  7. Cardiogram app, it will make your battery go down quicker but you can make it measure for the whole entire time you are out technically works with the watch

  8. this happens to me a lot, and my boyfriend notices it before i can even realize what’s happening. my face goes blank and my eyes get dark. every muscle in my body feels tense but i can’t move, and i keep hearing a voice in my head (my conscience? i don’t know) telling me to run or speak but i can’t. and i try, but i literally cannot. it’s really terrifying. it’s really an uncomfortable feeling. i feel like i’m locked in some sort of place in time and i can’t get out of it. can’t move/speak/blink/etc.

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