Dating and self harm

  1. I don't know about straight dating but lgbt people are generally very accepting of scars from my experience. You don't have to tell anyone until you feel comfortable

  2. Honesty helps however it’s hard to find the right person. My partner and I have amazing communication and he’s super supportive, doesn’t ask questions or makes comments if I’ve relapsed. Our rule is that I just try to get better and the road to recovery is bumpy. You will find someone that will love you BUT do not ever let someone disrespect you bc you have scars they are NOT worth it.

  3. I wait until I know I'm getting serious with someone before I have a conversation with them. Usually via text because it's easier than in person. I tell them I actively SH and that I have scars and current marks and that I do not wanna talk about it, and I've been doing it for 20 years and I hope they can ignore it. It's usually worked. My ex use to bring it up but I would shut it down. Current boyfriend doesn't bring it up.

  4. In my experience people tend to be fine with scars - it even gives them a nice opportunity to boost their ego by feeling like a good person for not judging you. It's active self harm that makes people hate you or give you ultimatums

  5. My partners all found out when we either slept together or went swimming. Pay attention to their reactions, it’s very telling.

  6. Do what feels best for you, but this is how I navigate it as a bisexual 20 something female, who's been on many dates with many people.

  7. I promised myself I would not date until I was no longer harming myself. I’m currently in a relationship and they’re very accepting of my scars but, I no longer self harm. Of course I want to! The urges are still there but, I use my relationship as a guard rail to prevent myself from SH. There are people out there who will love and accept you. Good luck xoxo

  8. I've found that being open about it is helpful, not only for the purpose of being open with them but seeing how they react/feel about self harm. When I had my first date with who is now my boyfriend (2.5 years ago) we were just talking and somehow it came up, I figured out he didn't have any negative views about it (not that he encouraged it) so I felt like I could say. But I only told him I had done it in the past, not that it was still happening. Later I told him he was my motivation for stopping and that I had done it in the relationship and he wasn't mad and didn't feel deceived. He was glad I told him, because it helps him to understand me better and means he can better help me when I need it.

  9. As others have said so long as you're not active it's fine. I'm male so more frowned upon but I've found just not bringing it up unless they do works well. And even then I just tell them it's historic and then we don't really talk about it.

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