My daughter's 10 year old friend can only be driven by her parents

  1. I use to live next door to a couple who wouldn't let their kid leave the yard. We lived in a cul de sac and everyone had kids so they would play in someones yard and we all kept an eye on them. I always felt so bad for the kid. Staring through the chain link fence at all the other kids.

  2. I lived in a neighbourhood where there were only 3 kids, none of us turned out very well. One went to prison, one became a drug addict and I'm a reddit user.

  3. This was me growing up. I lived in a fairly populated neighborhood with several other families with kids. However I lived within a chain link fence and never got to play with other kids. Didn't have a part of the yard where it wasn't protected by the outside world. Even had an electronic gate that locked us in and only my parents had access to it.

  4. And then kids will pick on him in school because he's weird and the parents will wonder why. I don't think anyone should be bullied but parents sure don't help when they raise their child to be a loaner with no social skills and then wonder why they can't make friends and get picked on at school. Humans are social animals. Building the ability to make friends and interact in social situation is extremely important in life. Even in the job place. You could be great at your job but no one wants to work with a weirdo.

  5. Or the exact opposite. You end up with someone like Tiger Woods who has zero self control and behavioral issues. It manifests itself in strange ways.

  6. My niece wasn't able to go to her speech therapist appointment because my BILS parents were out of town. He refused to drive there because if they broke down his parents wouldn't be able to help them.

  7. My brother in law's parents will only drive in a motor home because the father has agoraphobia, agoraphobia fed and cultivated by the mother to keep him dependent.

  8. I mean, is his vehicle in really bad condition? Toward the end of the life of my last car I knew it was coming. I'd avoid taking the highway when I could, not really go anywhere but work and back home and never give rides to people because I was afraid of my car breaking down. After a few months, sure enough it started exhibiting erratic behavior and that was the end of that. But before then it didn't have any major symptoms, it just didn't feel right anymore.

  9. I know someone who lost a family member as they made a right hand turn. Now this woman will only make left hand turns. Talk about crazy!

  10. I understand. I lost my oldest daughter at six days old to trisomy 18. I have two more little girls. It can be hard to let go. I had bad PPD/aniexty after my youngest was born, but I knew it was an issue and got help. It is hard, but you have to also learn there is a balance. Kids need the chance to be kids, eat dirt, climb trees, get messy and enjoy thenselves.

  11. The house my family bought when i was ~12 had lost both of their children due to a drunk bus driver. They went of the rails. They sealed all their windows shut and put bars on them and basically just let the house fall apart. Sad but odd.

  12. In all honesty, I probably would do the same with my 2 kids, but make it trusted family members only. I was molested as a child and I'm sorry, but I'm not letting my kids get into any random person's car.

  13. Went to the extreme or did what could have saved her first born? Lots of people are shit drivers.

  14. I am not necessarily against my kids spending time with other families, I am against the poor car seat use. I don't trust them to buckle/install seats every time. No that doesn't make me crazy. 1456 people have died already on Texas roads alone so far this year!! Also I'm not a fucking chauffeur, I'm not going to have a bustling social life for my kids and drive them everywhere they demand. We do plenty of social activities as our family allows and no I don't feel guilty.

  15. My dad did this to me. Also wasn't allowed outside unless someone was with me, until I was about 15. Can confirm no social life, only 2 friends I never see.

  16. Similar deal here. Turning 18 and suddenly having to move out on my own for university made for an interesting year.

  17. My sister has been unstable her whole life and was ridiculously overprotective toward her children. she worked third shift while they were growing up and wouldnt let them go outside(even just out in the yard) unless she was awake...which was close to never during the day. the kids are grown now and both severly obese because all they would do is eat while inside. my nephew is the most awkward dude. no social skills whatsoever. he gives me an autistic vibe and is so hard to be around. my niece is off the rails like my sister and ended up pregnant at 17. she's better socially but she has an amazing temper on her. she can lose her shit if anyone just looks at her wrong.

  18. I feel like there is a certain level of rusk that comes with being a good parent. Like my dad used to give me power tools to play with when I was bored and now I know I could probably get a job as a carpenter instantly with all the things I know how to do. But I had friends in highschool that didn't even know how to light a fire and one of them actually had to go to the hospital for burns the first time i made one with him. Like fuck, I survived giant spinning blades as a kid and this guy almost died from a campfire at 17

  19. As a parent, I understand where they are coming from, but it isn't a reasonable decision to make.

  20. It wasn't that old for me, but I had a similar experience. I always tell myself I could change, but when you've been a hermit for 20 years, anything else feels uncomfortable. I did have a period where I went out with friends, but they weren't really the best influence. The ones I do have now, not only do I not see them, they won't even respond to me. I kind of tried making a friend, but I don't know how this shit fucking works. I'm always deathly afraid I'll come off as clingy.

  21. Same. I couldn't go to birthday parties and if I did. I was the first one there with my mom and once people started arriving, we left. My childhood social life was nonexistent. Teenage was successful but I was sneaking out. That's when the verbal abuse started.

  22. I was like this except im 18 now and I still have no control over my own life. I have to literally beg to go out anywhere with my friends about once a month.

  23. I think it was a shower thought I recently read- Parents spend the first 20 years of their kids lives hoping that they're not having sex, then the next 20 hoping that they are.

  24. On my daughters 7th birthday, I encountered one of these no males " because they are all rapists" moms. She wanted me to kick my husband out on my daughters birthday and sleepover so her daughter could attend. It was such a strange encounter.

  25. I would personally like to say fuck you to 20/20 and Dateline for convincing my mother that rape was always just around the corner. And that literally everyone wanted to skin and eat me.

  26. Im 21 and my mom has graduated to forensic files. When I was visiting she flipped a SHIT when I walked to the gas station a block away at 9pm to get sweet tarts.

  27. My sister had a friend staying over one night, the mom walked around our block for probably 3 hours before coming back to our house and asking her daughter to come home.

  28. Meh, as a dad I'd rather send my kids off to their friend's house for a sleepover than have a gaggle of girls here.

  29. That is a flawed philosophy. I would see that as saying "Only sleepovers with kids with single mothers". It seems a hell of a lot more likely that you would have an absentee single mother or a mom who wants to be the cool mom and would be a terrible influence, then dad be a pedophile.

  30. My dad is a bit like this. He still freaks out if I suggest that one of my nephews could watch the kids. This is exceptionally weird because I was sexually abused by my female babysitter for 7 years.

  31. When I would spend weekends at my friend's place as a kid his Dad would give us junk food, and when we were older the occasional beer... so that must be it ... right?

  32. What I always found to be humorous is that my mom would never let me go to friend's house that would have older brothers, yet her younger brother is the one that molested me. So much for being cautious.

  33. I mean have you watched any of those shows? kids unsupervised is pretty big no no.. to me. lots of drinking, rape, sex and drugs happening.. In 9th grade I went to a kids house for sleepover and his parents were drug dealers and supplied us with alcohol and my "friends" thought I was dying (alcohol poisoning) and did not call 911. I was blacked out but ended up okay.. yea, im not trusting other people or my kids.

  34. Honestly, I can see that. As a parent, it is always in the back of my mind but it's more of a full spectrum. Often it's the older sibling that is the problem. But our son is allowed to sleep over at best friends' house. The problem is he doesn't want to. He gets anxiety. On the flip side, we had his friends sleep over. We have an air mattress. In the middle of the night, his friend was crying so we moved the mattress him and our son to our room. The next time our son wanted everyone in the same room. The mother found out and her son is not allowed to sleep over ever again. We weren't being creepos. The kid was upset, our son wanted to sleep in our room. Both kids were on the air mattress on the other side of the room while we slept.

  35. My parents would not let me go to sleepovers until I was in high school. And they would get mad at me (more like make me feel bad) for hanging out with friends. I got so much anxiety whenever a friend asked me over, so I would say no to avoid getting yelled at. I had friends but not anyone close. I found freedom when I went to college in a different state and it's been amazing.

  36. this is me too. I wasn't allowed to go to a friends house and especially not sleep over. I would get the anxiety too and even feel bad about it because my parents would tell me how unnecessary it is when I can just sleep in my own bed. In highschool, I wasn't allowed to date my boyfriend. I would only see him in school and I could only go out with him if we all went out as a family. It was obnoxious. Eventually I "ran away" from home at 19.

  37. Yep. I still get anxiety when I get asked to do things, even if it's something im interested in. My parents also don't see friends as anything important. Leading up to my college graduation, I said I might want to stay in the city (went to school in Philly and I live a few hours away) for a day or two after just to hang out with people if they were gonna be there. My mom said "no. You have to get on with your life." Lucky for me I guess most people ended up not staying a few extra days so I didn't have to feel bad.

  38. This was me as well to an extent. My mom never let me go on sleepovers, because her mom was like that and on the off chance she did it was like an interrogation process to the point where I felt exhausted when trying to ask. Every time I went she wanted to know everything about the parents, she ALWAYS had something negative to say about their home/ lifestyle whatever, and she would constantly reiterated that if I want to leave I can just call her.

  39. Are you me? My parents would guilt the shit and yell at me whenever I wanted to go to friends house. One of my problems was in high school I fit into the "sports kids" social group but my parents would never let me hang out with them outside of school, especially when they heard rumor that some of them drank and smoked. As I result they just stopped inviting me and they formed there own little group without me. Looking back, not letting me have friends outside of school really fucked up my perception and attitude of the world. Things that were normal to everyone else weren't normal to me and I kinda looked like a weirdo to most people and I can kinda see why they wouldn't want to hang out with me.

  40. I went through this recently. I found out my kid was stuffed in the back seat of a car with 3 other kids. None of them wore a seat belt. I kindly explained to the other parent my kid will not be riding with them again and I'll be more than happy to drop off / pick up.

  41. There are neighbor kids we don't trust, so my kids tell them they are not allowed in anyone's back yard, when really it's only them. OP might be a bad driver, or not trustworthy in some other way.

  42. I remember when I was a kid my mom picking up another kid for a sleep over at our house, and my mom hiding her drink when the other kid's mom was there [at the drop off, still sitting in the car before driving the kids home].

  43. My parents and sister won't let my nephew's father drive anywhere with the baby. I think it is pretty justified considering this guy took a turn too fast, and jumped a curb, hitting a bridge. He also used to drive in and out of the driveway too fast. One day he wasn't paying any attention and he smashed into my brother as my brother was trying to pull into the driveway.

  44. As far as OP's statements goes, it pretty much is black and white. OP's statement doesn't say that the kid is only allowed to driven by who the parents' trust but rather can only be driven by the parents themselves. I agree, some people are terrible driver, but there are other people that are safe drivers. If OP's statement is true, then those parents are ruling out everyone, good or bad.

  45. Exactly. It really depends. My wife and I haven't ever let our kids ride with anyone else (although it hasn't really come up since ours are 7 and 2). But my wife's mom can't drive for shit and my dad can't drive for shit so there's no way they are getting in a vehicle with them.

  46. Pretty anyone that's not my wife scare the hell out of me. And their grandparents are included in that. They are old, and a tad reckless, but if I don't endanger my kids by letting them ride with them I'm an asshole. Fuck me right.

  47. My parents were very picky about who I was allowed to ride with. They finally relented when I was 16, and I rode with my cousin to a movie. He rolled his truck, I went into the windshield, broke my nose and cracked 12 teeth. Subsequently got an infection and had to have 17 teeth removed.

  48. When I was growing up my mother only EVER allowed us to go anywhere if the OTHER person's parents picked us up and dropped us off AND stayed with us the entire time - any 'drop off at the event' stuff was strictly prohibited.

  49. You poor kid. I had a friend in elementary school whose mom was constantly "too busy" to drive her anywhere at all, despite being home. After several times of my mom having to do everything, she told me she wouldn't pick up my friend anymore until her mom contributed once. I never played with her again. :(

  50. This is my life. Up until college I had to ask to go out and even then, only once every few months. Sometimes, my mom would be like "You just went out 2 months ago already." Wasnt too bad until high school (I really liked video games) , when my friends would go out and I couldn't.

  51. My mom actually wouldn't drive anywhere by herself. She once told me, as I was getting into the car, that it's so she doesn't die alone.

  52. Man I was in the exact opposite situation. By the time I started kindergarten I was being picked up by a babysitter or my grandma everyday after school, or walked home with a group of kids. My parents both worked. I think kids need time away from their parents to learn how to properly socialize and form their own personality.

  53. Same with my family. We moved to the DC area two weeks before 9/11. My dad was overseas in Egypt for the Army and my mom was an Airforce social worker. So when the plane hit the pentagon, my mom had to go up to DC with her unit to provide mental health support. Like I said, my dad was in Egypt and any other family I had was either in Texas or Kentucky and couldn't immediately come take care of me, a 9 yr old, and my two brothers 7 and 5. My mom had to asky neighbors, who we had known for only 2 weeks if we could spend the week with them until some family could come up and watch us.

  54. You walked home from school when you were in kindergarten? Damnnnn, and there was a group of you. That's some crazy stuff. Aren't kindergarteners like 4/5?

  55. As a parent of a teen... the new boundary is whether you allow your kid to use Uber or Lyft. Or even encourage it, particularly when you suspect a bad driver, alcohol or other substances might be a possibility.

  56. Geez I haven't even thought about that. My parents had the no questions asked policy if I needed a lift after I was driving age.

  57. This is like one of those things I agree with the OP but also you have to wonder the OP could likely be just a really shitty driver and your daughter's friend's parents just said in an absolute "ONLY WE DRIVE HER" so as not to offend your shitty driving.

  58. My parents had that rule for a while and I still had a social life. That said, my mom was a stay-at-home mom, so she had no problem driving me anywhere I wanted to go.

  59. Yeah, people seem to overreact a bit. At least as long as it doesn't continue for many more years. What kind of docial life a 10 year old is supposed to have that isn't possible by the parents to drive you to?

  60. My parents did this. Also no sleepovers or anything of that kind, wasn't even allowed to go into this little forested area out back (literally between our back yard and a main road) because some bad guy might be hiding in the bushes to snatch me away. Then they complain that I spend too much time on the computer.

  61. Had a friend growing up that's mom wouldn't let him ride on busses since they didn't have lap belts they were 'dangerous in an accident' & you'll fly out the bus in a wreck'

  62. i feel like you are talking about my boyfriend. his mother brags about this. she also went a threw a fit at school meetings till they said they would eventually put seatbelts on busses

  63. True important to socialize a child or they end up weird and introverted. Then you see them walking around New York naked with pink dreadlocks because they never expressed themselves before

  64. Even though I don't have kids, I get the anxiety with letting your kids out of your grasp (just took my dog to its first day of dog daycare, vision of him getting torn apart by a bigger dog or him escaping and running into the road have haunted me all day).

  65. The real dumb thing is they are just about as likely to be hit by other cars as anyone else. Maybe you could argue they're a little more focused on "defensive driving" but if a car flies at you over the median it really doesn't matter who's driving.

  66. I'd guess its about fear of not being in control. I know that my wife is a good driver, but when she leaves with the baby, or when I'm in the passenger seat, I worry. I'm not nutty enough to prohibit travel to only us, but still.

  67. I assure you, a very small % of accidents are genuinely freak unavoidable occurrences. Defensive and preventative driving can seriously reduce your likelihood of dying in a vehicle crash. If it were any different, I wouldn't ride a motorcycle.

  68. Some parents know that another parent day drinks. It would be moronic to let your kid in their car. Also, if you tell the parent the reason they might make up excuses or tell you they weren't drinking when you know they were. It's easier to just avoid.

  69. People don't like to fly because they aren't in control. Problem with that philosophy is that they're not in control of the thousands of cars they meet on the road. People suck

  70. My cousin has an early morning swim team and a dad offered to do carpool days. He showed up today in an old refurbished VW Bug with no seatbelts in it.

  71. My coworker, who shares custody with his ex, insists on doing all activities with his son. When he has him that's their time. The child in question is 13 and has a couple friends in our small community (my kids included) but they're never allowed to hang out as he's to busy with his dad. It gets pretty heart breaking when we bump in to them on the street and he starts pleading with his dad to let him hang out. The answer is always "maybe later". Later never comes. We've known the kid for 3 years and he's been allowed to hangout maybe 5 times.

  72. You are 18. You can now decide your life. It's unfortunate you didn't have the best upbringing, but you can now slowly mend that and learn from experiences to come.

  73. Life is going to be tough, son. I suggest you take public transport to a college (State school) and speak with a student advisor. They'll help you out with the loans you will need and living on campus. If you do take my advice, heed this warning: Don't go to school for just anything, go to school for something that is in demand and will basically guarantee you a job after you graduate to pay off those loans. Bls.gov to research careers. Healthcare is always in demand and generally pays well. Start there, and Godspeed.

  74. Only child here with over protective parents. No one was allowed over and my folks would only let me go to other people's houses if they stayed there with them. Also couldn't do sports because parents had me study instead and parents wouldn't let me hang out with friends outside at the park.

  75. Socially awkward here... my parents were completely the opposite. My mom actuchaly made me go on a date in highscool. Thanks mom! We're married now almost 10 years with a kiddo. I'm still awkward .... I think it really depends on genetics and temperment.

  76. Here comes the redditors who know everything about everyone and whats good for them and if you're not doing it their way its detrimental for the kids comments.

  77. I hate that, my parents were like this. I couldn't be driven by anyone, I couldn't go to friends homes, I lived in the middle of nowhere so I didn't get to walk anywhere. I read as a kid, a LOT.

  78. Fuck I wish my kid would get a social life... He is very smart and relates to adults much more than kids his age. It worries me some.

  79. One of the biggest things overly strict parents don't realize they're doing is stunting their kid's social skills. It's every bit as important to make sure your kid grows into a socially functional adult who can interact with people without them feeling uncomfortable as it is to keep them out of serious trouble and off drugs etcetera.

  80. Have a neighbor that is like that. We'll regularly pack the kids up with their friends and go to the pool, or the trampoline place, or whatever...and this one kid always wants to come, but the parents are always either "We will bring him after we finish such and such..." or "Sorry, but we can't bring him right now...maybe another time."

  81. Do your kid's 10 year old friends's parents know you personally? I'm not putting my kids in the car of anyone I do not know. If that traumatizes my children then I'll bear that burden.

  82. My 11 year old takes the subway by herself 5 stops then takes a bus or walks a half mile to get to school every day. In Brooklyn. She's a confident young lady with a very active social life.

  83. ITT: Another topic of parenting where Reddit decides what a perfect parent is based on a one sided meme.

  84. In high school, one of my friends parents wouldn't let anyone ride in a car WITH HIM DRIVING. He wasn't allowed to drive anyone anywhere because his mom was afraid it would distract him.

  85. As a foster parent I wasn't allowed to let another parent drive our children without DCFS permission first. Now I can (the law changed), but I need to meet with that parent first and there are still some conditions.

  86. Every introvert collectively rolls their eyes at their "scarred life" because having 4 or 5 really close friends is worse than 100 facebook friends

  87. My sil and bil have a daughter who is 16. They won't let her drive anywhere alone. She doesn't go anywhere without a parent. She isn't left at home alone while say the parents go grocery shopping.

  88. Yesterday my gf wanted to take her friend (who is 18) with us to the lake. We get there to pick her up, and her mom comes out, starts taking pics of my car, asks my name and where I live, demands to see my license, asks if she can take a pic of that (not fucking happening). Then randomly decides that the reason I'm sketched out by her is that I must be high as a kite, and wont let her daughter go with us.

  89. My sister in law who is about 4 years older then me (36), has the single most tragic "sudden child death" story available.

  90. my parents didn't allow me to stay out after dark or have friends over more then 1 hour at a time and they choose the times.

  91. My parents did this. I became proficient in arguing as a teenager and getting what I desire through that. It gave me a longer window of learning people's character and about the human experience of how people change throughout their lives. I may never had a best friend forever from elementary through high school (moved a lot) but I found truly good people who will be there for me no matter what happens or where I go and vice versa for the rest of our lives instead of just til the end of high school like most people.

  92. I didn't have a social life because I had 2 much younger sisters to take care of. We were new immigrants to Canada back then so my parents were either learning English or working. Add severe bullying to the situation and things were as shitty as they could be. Oh and my parents were religious as fuck. Runescape became my only escape and coping mechanism. If it weren't for Runescape I don't know how I would've made it through ages 10-13. Thankfully my high school had a bus service. Most people hate high school but for me it was a good place and I made tonnes of friends.

  93. I was raised in a very religious household. I could only hang out with a small group of people. At 18, I was not permitted to leave the house alone. I told a youth leader at church, she told my parents (out of genuine concern), and they screamed at me.

  94. My parents are like this, I dont drive and cant walk down the street or go for jogs by myself and im an embarrassing old age for this. They say I have prolonged adolescence or something due to technology or some shit like that but I think I have some form of autism or something. I dont have any friends and just stay in my room, I really want to die.

  95. Sadly, many parents don't care because they don't understand the need. They never had one and don't see it as an essential part of child development and growth.

  96. Mine wouldn't drive me, let others drive me, let me out other than school, chores, a rare grocery run and a once yearly trip to pick out one new outfit for school. For a few years most of what they dressed me in were some 80's sweatsuits they found in grandmas house after she died. If I told them I had no friends I would be lexured until I "put more effort into finding a classmate that liked me"/ lied and said I did. During this time the 15-30 minutes after I got home from school was break time and the rest was being hearded around to do chores.

  97. As someone who was bred to be the janitor, the parents might be doing this in order to have a built-in caregiver who never leaves home.

  98. My son had a friend with parents like this. They wouldn't let their son ride on a bus for a field trip; they would drive him or he wouldn't go.

  99. According to the Internet, your best friend is a maladjusted basement dweller who can only communicate in 4-word sentences and gets panic attacks when a store clerk asks "are you finding everything you need today?". Sorry.

  100. My parents were like this. No sleep overs, no pool parties, no birthday parties. I missed out on so much because my parents wouldn't let me go anywhere. I have 2 younger siblings (18 & 14) and they have more freedom than I did when I was their age. It makes me so mad.

  101. I may be in the minority here, but I don't think this is totally unreasonable. The kid is only 10, what kind of 'social life' are they supposed to have outside of visiting a friend or playing in a park.

  102. The friend of one of my nieces could only eat food made by her mom. She didn't have food allergies, but her parents didn't think anyone else practiced food safety correctly. The parents would eat out and leave their kids behind. Eventually she stopped getting invited over to friend's for birthday parties and sleep overs. Finally her older sister sat her parents down and let them know how their stupid rule ruined her social life and it was doing the same to her younger siblings. Surprisingly the parents relented. The first time the kids ate out at a restaurant nothing happened.

  103. thats what I call "wuss parents." Invariably these people have serious narcissistic tendencies and control issues.

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