AITA For Having Our Dishwasher Removed?

  1. This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.

  2. YTA, running the dishwasher half empty uses less water than hand washing every day. You are bizarrely controlling and you do not know how dishwashers work.

  3. This is absolutely true. In fact, as long as there are more than SEVEN dishes in the dishwasher, it’s more efficient than hand washing.

  4. A really easy solution would be to buy multiples of the things they use regularly, especially cheap stuff like tongs and spatulas. Or, you know, wash them himself since that wouldn’t take long and he admits himself his fiancée does most of the chores.

  5. Not to mention, who has only one spatula, pan or anything they use daily? Seems like buying a couple of extra things would make the whole thing moot. Yes, OP is TA.

  6. Totally. YTA. And how is it ever going to get run if a) she’s not allowed to put things in and b) you keep taking things out?

  7. That comparison does not really work since he is asking her to hand wash just a spatula or two, not everything in the would be half empty dishwasher.

  8. He might not know this tidbit. I only learned a year or so ago and it's hard for me to not hand wash as my gut tells me there's no way that dishwasher is better.

  9. Moreover, hand washing basically never gets hot enough to actually sanitize dishes either. Huge difference between “visibly clean” and actually clean

  10. Genuinely didn't know this. I felt guilty running it half empty, though I often do. Thanks.

  11. Plus the time and energy it takes the person to wash the dishes by hand isn’t accounted for. He could just buy some more utensils too.

  12. I’m a single person wish a dishwasher. My solution: grab doubles of the one use items that are dishwasher friendly. Fills it up weekly, wastes less time and water hand washing. At most I release maybe 2-3 things by hand doing this.

  13. This right here. Just run the dishwasher each evening and empty it in the morning. Having the dishwasher removed was an absolutely juvenile "take my ball and go home" response. I can't blame his girlfriend for not speaking to him. How do you communicate with someone who thought getting rid of a major appliance as a power play was a reasonable course of action? She has probably lost a huge amount of respect for him. OP worked hard to earn this YTA judgment.

  14. That's only true for energy efficient dishwashers. If they had an old one, which OP said they needed to replace theirs not that it was old so this is unknown, it wouldn't stick to the modern assumption that dishwashers save energy. Plus if OP's gf is pre-rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher she is essentially using the same amount of water as if she was handwashing them anyway. I'm not saying this naysays his AH status or anything, just that him not knowing how a dishwasher works isn't the problem.

  15. YTA - it is super annoying when stuff that gets used all the time gets put in the dishwasher that wont be started for days. But if my spouse was unhappy with the way I was doing dishes and in response removed the dishwasher I'd also stop doing dishes.

  16. because he is a controlling AH. he now pays a kid 5 dollar a day to do the dishes, running the dishwasher cost way less then that. (and handwashing is less energy friendly then a dishwasher too)

  17. Run it every day on a half cycle or buy more of the essential items. I had 4 sets of tongs and like 7 spatulas when I lived alone. Two much simpler solutions that wouldn't have cost nearly as much as this did. Which tells me this is about control not about what makes the household run smoothly.

  18. Also why doesn’t he just do the dishes the way he wants them done? One thing to have bizarre dishwashing habits, another to force someone else to indulge your nonsense!

  19. With the amount of money OP is spending on paying the neighbor kid to wash their dishes every day, he could have just bought some more tongs and spatulas so they could go in the dishwasher and not run out of cooking utensils

  20. Not to mention, paying a kid five bucks to do the dishes he thinks is “so easy” to hand wash completely negates his whole argument.

  21. YTA all the livelong day! Way to go nuclear. Not understanding why you wouldn't wash a couple spatulas and serving forks every day, if that's the price you pay for getting to live harmoniously with this woman who does most of the housework, and who seem (ed) to like you and love you, and who want (ed) to touch your private parts...

  22. Or just buy a few more. I can understand only having 1 size of that pan but I've never known someone to only have 1 spatula....you can get some cheap spatulas and serving forks to have 2-3 days worth. I sometimes end up using more than 1 spatula when cooking so im surprised they don't have a few anyways

  23. Yes to everything you said but I have a question: Who owns the house and dishwasher? Is it his house or are both names on the mortgage?

  24. My fiance and I have the exact same struggle. That's why HE does the dishes. Then he can do them exactly how he likes. When I do the dishes/clean the kitchen, I do it how I do it.

  25. I feel controlling about how other people do chores. So I just leave the room and let them do the damn chore. Otherwise I can do it myself and I'm too lazy. guy needs to get over himself.

  26. Yuuup. My husband also did not like the way I did the dishes (we didn't have a dishwasher).. so he did the dishes.

  27. My kids bought me a a popcorn machine for Xmas a few years ago. You know, one of those ones on a cart that wheels around? Anyway after using it a few times my husband decided he didn't like the clean up it took when using it the way you are supposed to use it and started telling me how to do it. The way he wants to do it makes the popcorn taste terrible when if you do it the right way it tastes like popcorn from the theater. I just quit using it. He used to take the fun out of everything

  28. He went straight to the nuclear option over a disagreement about dishes, and he doesn't even realize it. You do not treat another adult that way, let alone someone you care about. This would be relationship-ending for me.

  29. YTA what is your issue with running the dishwasher every day? Modern dishwashers are super efficient energy and water-wise.

  30. Yta. Honestly she has already tried to compromise by putting the dishwasher on daily, which most dishwasher have a half load setting for this reason. Taking the dishwasher away just so she does as she's told ie doing the dishes the way you want them done just seems like a controlling behavior. She has her way of doing things and you have yours but demanding your way is the only way is asshole behaviour.

  31. yta, do it yourself or quit complaining how someone else does it. get a extra spetula if you need one while this one is in the dishwasher.

  32. This. Just buy some extra, the 35 dollar a week you spend on the neighbour can also buy a lot of silverware, plates and spatulas.

  33. YTA. This my way or the highway attitude is terrible for your relationship. She offered a compromise, and you denied it because it meant you wouldn't get your way.

  34. YTA. my partner and I live together and have a similar experience. as a rule, we do not put pots/pans in the dishwasher so they last longer. there are some other items that are not dishwasher safe that we don't put in. my job is to load and run the dishwasher and it's my partners job to wash the stuff that doesn't go in the dishwasher. we take turns cooking. and honestly, if I need a pot or pan that he hasn't washed yet, I just do it myself.

  35. Agree ☝️. Further to this, if my SO took it upon himself “to remove it while I was at work” I would say nothing and take it upon myself and buy and install a new one. Personally I hate dishwater dishes and prefer the sanitary run of a dishwasher.

  36. YTA. We've done dishes like your gf for decades. They have half load or high efficiency settings for situations like this. Your way of doing dishes is inefficient and your conflict resolution skills are borderline abusive.

  37. YTA - First off. I agree with you about hand washing items like a spatula, pots, pans etc so they are ready. However - your GF gave you a solution (run the dishwasher daily) and tried to comprise and you won't budge. Infact you would rather pay someone else more money to come over to wash them to have your way vs finding middle ground. You also took away the dishwasher as some sort of punishment which screams of controlling. This is a big red flag for your girlfriend over such a petty disagreement.

  38. You're ripping off your neighbour's kid for one thing. And being extremely childish. Why should she spend loads of time washing dishes when you have a dishwasher. Why don't you just buy another spatula or wash it as you cook or when you're done if it bothers you that much? Removing the dishwasher was very petty and doesn't bode well for your relationship as it just shows her you'll go behind her back when you don't agree with her on something. She does most of the housework so let her do it the way that works for her. YTA.

  39. You had the dishwasher removed to try to "make her do the dishes the way you want"? Or you could... do the dishes the way that you want since this is obviously a big deal to you. Working more hours than she does doesn't mean she is your employee to direct on how to do tasks when she is at home.

  40. If this is real, YTA. All the way, all day long, until the end of time. If you want the dishes done a certain way then do them yourself, don’t treat your girlfriend like an indentured servant.

  41. YTA. WTF? She's not doing anything wrong! AND, she's doing the majority of the housework. Which means she can do it however tf she wants. My God, dude.

  42. YTA. You found hand washing items you needed annoying enough to complain about it, but thought your partner should just happily do the same thing you found annoying? And apparently still find annoying enough that you're paying a neighbor to do it instead of doing it yourself?

  43. Yeah, dude, YTA here. There's no amount of rationalization you can do here to make you look less controlling. She came up with a compromise, but you wanted things done YOUR way. So now, you get to be in charge of the dishes (paying the kid falls under this category).

  44. Precisely this, OP. When she didn't follow your rule, you made it so that she had to... until she simply refused to comply. You allowed no room for compromise.

  45. YTA sorry. For the $5 a day you pay the neighbor to wash your dishes it would be cheaper (and more sensible) to put the dishwasher back and just run it every day even if its only 1/3 full.

  46. Not to mention with that money they could buy extras of the items they only have one of that he says he uses each day to cook. Then they wouldn’t have to run it every day so win win!

  47. YTA. Log onto amazon now and order some more spatulas, tongs, etc. so you have enough side pieces to make more than 1 meal. I have 3 spatulas just for this reason. And removing the dishwasher with no discussion was a complete asshole, controlling move.

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  49. YTA you don't like the way she does dishes, you don't like her suggestion of running the dishwasher every day.. so instead of simply doing the dishes the way you want them done yourself, you're paying some kid to do them for you?

  50. YTA - just got to the dollar store and buy a few spatulas and tongs. Pay $6 one time instead of $5 daily. And running a full dishwasher can actually save water. It’s a weird bill to die on BEFORE you unilaterally removed a shared appliance.

  51. YTA. You took it away while she was at work for a reason. A discussion of this would have been the adult thing to do. There’s also no reason why her suggestion of running it every day would not work. That would have made you both happy.

  52. YTA I don't agree with your position on not running it daily, but I can understand it. What I don't get is how you think removing the unbroken dishwasher was the logical next step and how she is being "irrational" while you are not.

  53. YTA - I DESPISE hand washing dishes. I don’t care if it’s one plate and spoon or a whole dinners worth. My mother hates dishwashers and won’t use them and didn’t allow us to use them when we lived with her. As soon as I moved out I got a place with a dishwasher and I will never live somewhere without one again.

  54. YTA. You’re mad that she’s using the dishwasher correctly lol. Run it at night and then boom clean dishes every morning. Problem literally solved lmao.

  55. Why don’t you just get a modern one and put it on everyday? It will use less water and get them cleaner. Look it up if you don’t believe me. Or just buy 2 sets of the cooking tools you use the most

  56. YTA. She literally offered a reasonable compromise and you shut it down because you think it's "silly". What's silly is paying a neighbor $5/day to do the dishes that your gf was already doing for free.. That's weird logic dude.

  57. YTA - if this is the hill you’re literally paying for the dishwasher to die on then your dish habits are incompatible and your conflict resolution is atrocious. This is not how any reasonable person seeks equilibrium with their partner.

  58. YTA wash the dishes yourself. You sound mad that you can't make your gf your maid. Clearly this is a you issue and not a her issue, and taking away the appliance then tacking on a "it might need replacing anyway" throwaway comment just shows you know full well you're the AH. It's sounds like she does the majority of the home labour which apparently isn't enough for you since omg she also doesn't wash every item you touch as you touch it. I clean up after myself as I go. I don't expect people around me to do that but I'd they do, I appreciate the assist. You say yourself it takes an entire 10 minutes so why don't you take those 10 minutes, wash up, then spend another few minutes recalling that all the things your gf does also takes time and effort, and she seems to get zero help from you doing it. You seem to need to grow up a lot and cease with the passive aggressive game playing. Get her a new dishwasher or break up with her since you find her so useless.

  59. YTA - go buy that new dishwasher. Get one with a clean water sensor that will turn off when the dishes get clean and it won’t use that much water. You can run it daily. Then, take your gf out to dinner and tell her how great she is and how much you appreciate her being part of your life.

  60. YTA. You aren’t her dad and she’s not a child, so don’t tell her how to do chores OR punish her for not doing things your way. If your issue is not having what you need ready for cooking, then her offer of running the dishwasher more frequently, is a solution. If you don’t like her solution, do it yourself

  61. YTA, although I am sympathetic to the frustration of going to cook and finding out you have to do the dishes first. But removing the dishwasher is where you became the AH.

  62. YTA. I don't see why you can't do the dishes yourself. But even disregarding that part of the convo, taking away a household appliance because she didn't do things how you want it is insane

  63. Are you kidding? YTA and picking the dumbest battles. I hate how my fiancés does the dishes but ya know what I do? Appreciate that he does them. Washing by hand also uses way more water than a dishwasher.

  64. YTA. A dishwasher doesn’t need to be full to run, oftentimes it’s still less water than washing by hand, that was a perfectly reasonable solution. Or idk own more than one spatula so you don’t have to wash everything daily. If you have $5/day to pay the neighbor kid you have the money for either of these options, you’re just trying to control how your girlfriend cleans.

  65. YTA. Why do things have to be your way? This is controlling behavior. Basically its either your way or you throw the dishwasher away? Such a dick move. You have to pick your battles dude and you went over board on this. I would have been on my way out the door if I were her. I am going to guess this isn't the only thing that HAS to be done your way. She sounds fed up. Good luck with that

  66. Before reading your responses to comments I thought maybe this was just one of those petty fights that spiraled to far and seeing other perspectives would help. After reading your responses, God I hope she wakes up and walks out. YTA

  67. While ESH you are the bigger A. Studies have found that running the dishwater daily, even not full, uses less water than washing things one off. Faucets use 4 gallons/minute and dishwashers use about that much in a whole cycle depending on the model and age of it. The compromise should be to run it daily.

  68. YTA - It uses less energy and water to run the dishwasher daily. They are also cleaner. Is this how you will treat her on everything she does not do to your standards? Have fun talking to yourself.

  69. YTA something wasn't getting the way you wanted it done so you took a temper tantrum and just had the machine ripped out

  70. My dude, if you are unhappy with the division of labour and financial contributions, then you talk it out to come to a solution or you break up. Don't become a controlling AH who removes an appliance to try and force your partner into doing something that they don't want to do.

  71. YTA. You're lucky your gf is still your gf. Removing the dishwasher would mean I'm divorcing my husband! It's a task that no one likes doing and now you are going to make it harder on her. Seems like a stupid hill to die on. I hope she dumps you.

  72. YTA. It’s one thing if it’s a good knife or expensive pots and pans you don’t want to get messed up but almost everything else can and should go in the dishwasher. Even running it once a day saves water vs hand washing and it’s less germy. Doctors recommend it to prevent spreading germs when people are sick. I would be done with you if that’s how you behave.

  73. YTA for creating all of this drama. She offered a good compromise to run the washer daily (uses less water than hand washing). If it meant so much to you could have hand washed the dishes yourself. Having the machine removed was a huge passive aggressive move...and paying the neighbor kid $5 to wash your dishes...?

  74. You have one spatula, really? Dude, make a visit to dollar tree, then Lowes, buy more spatulas, pancake turners, ect. Also, bring back a dishwasher that efficiently does small loads. YTA here, not her. She has a different way of doing things, so respect that, or do dishes yourself.

  75. I hate doing dishes, so all goes into the machine every day. My kitchen looks tidy when all is cleared away in the dishwasher. And yes, it's cheaper to run a dishwasher than to do it by hand. Give the girl her dishwasher back and all will be good.

  76. YTA and weirdly controlling. If you have a problem with how she does dishes to the point you’ll REMOVE THE DISHWASHER COMPLETELY to force her to do it your way… you just need to do them yourself. Period

  77. So you tried an "I have the power- you are nothing" spiel with your (soon to be Ex)- girlfriend and it backfired? good. I hope the girl runs for the hills. you are not friend material. you are a manipulative power- hungry man of the 19th century stuck in today.

  78. Do you now have a big void in the kitchen cabinets where the dishwasher once was? That seems like a really odd choice.

  79. Dude. You're definitely TA here. What rational person has an appliance removed because someone else didn't follow "orders" on how to do dishes?

  80. Yikes. You just typed all that out and presumably read it over and you still don’t see how you’re controlling? YTA

  81. YTA. For being that controlling over an expensive appliance. I run my dishwasher daily and it uses less water then hand washing, not to mention time. I wipe my dishes with a paper towel to remove food particles though. Keeps the trap and filter from needing cleaned as often and grease out of my pipes.

  82. YTA, she IS communicating well, offering compromises, etc. you're the one who said your way or the highway then removed the dishwasher behind her back.

  83. YTA- If you have an issue with how the dishes are washed then wash them yourself. Our household is myself, my husband and our dog. Dishwasher goes on nightly and I only hand wash things if I absolutely have to.

  84. Get a smaller dishwasher. There's only two of us in our house and we have a slimline one. We run it full every 1-2 days so never run out of things. One of the best things I've bought for our kitchen.

  85. I didn't like the fact that my girlfriend was driving by herself when she should carpool everywhere. And if she's not going to carpool at least walk. It's only 4 miles both ways. Uphill in the snow barefoot everyday. That's what I read. You are being controlling just to have control and you cannot do that to people bud.

  86. YTA. You’re willing to pay $5/day for labor but not water or electric to run the dishwasher? I believe that’s more. It’s also more water to hand wash.

  87. You're upset that you have to spend 2-3 min washing off a pair of tongs before cooking so your solution is to make your girlfriend spend 30 minutes hand washing every dish you use?

  88. YTA. It would've been fine to just let her run the dishwasher every day. If you want to be particular about how the dishes get clean, you need to do them, because running them in the dishwasher is perfectly reasonable but having this hang-up over NOT running the dishwasher is NOT reasonable. You're spending more money paying a teenager to come do the dishes than it would have cost to... just let your girlfriend run the dishwasher daily.

  89. YTA. So you guys don't fill a dishwasher every day. Welcome to a bunch of households. The things you need are still in the dishwasher because of this. You get mad. Girlfriend says ok I'll run the dishwasher so they're clean. You get mad. The only acceptable solution to you is for her to handwash the dishes every day when there is a dishwasher right there but her idiot boyfriend keeps policing its use. Then you just yank the thing right out like she's a child that lost TV privileges. No wonder she isn't talking to you. Did I mention YTA?

  90. YTA. If the dishwasher is too big for 2 people household get a smaller one or do the dishes your way on your own.

  91. YTA, there is nothing wrong with running the dishwasher daily, it makes life a lot easier. It’s gross to just leave dirty dishes in there for days until you’re ready to wash them and stupid to do so while simultaneously using MORE water to hand wash stuff instead.

  92. YTA that is the most insane solution you could have come up with. Why didn’t you just buy more utensils? Or run the dishwasher every day? I run the machine at least weekly even if it isn’t full.

  93. YTA go buy an extra spatula and tongs(?) and learn to live with your gf or call it quits. Everyone has to learn that their SO does things differently, you’re not an exception. If you can’t get over this one issue without ripping an appliance out, wait until you reach bigger things.

  94. Yta. I'm a single person and if i cook, i sometimes need to run the dushwasher twice in a day. You're talking abt how she is usually rational and itelligent. How about you pretend you are both those things and start doing the dishes yourself? It sounds like you were trying to make your gf miserable and it backfired

  95. YTA because a) this is a ridiculously disproportionate response and b) why don't you just run the dishwasher every day? Modern dishwashers are incredibly water and energy efficient, much more efficient than the teenager you're paying $35 a week to wash your dishes. This is not in any way a rational or reasonable response.

  96. YTA. Your gf isn't your maid. Are your hands broke? Maybe it's time to reallocate chores. Do you do any or do you expect her to do it all? I imagine your attitude makes for real sexy time in the bedroom after you "daddied" her. Good luck with that!

  97. Instead of spending $5 a day paying the neighbours kid to clean your dishes, why don't you just buy a second set of the kitchen items you use most often? Also you are not supposed to need to rinse so what she is doing is normal - maybe consider a smaller dishwasher or being less intense about this issue -YTA

  98. YTA. This is a huge red flag for your girlfriend. She should run as far and fast away from you as she can. The fact that you are policing how she does the dishes in the first place is ridiculous. Then you had to take it up a notch by literally taking the machine out so she couldn't do them the way you want them done. This is so controlling.

  99. She is not a child, you are not her father. She proposed a reasonable compromise, and your response was to try to force her into doing things your way. That's enough to piss off anyone. YTA

  100. ESH. Sounds like you’re finding out you’re not compatible if you can’t take on any more chores and she’s needs to be compensated for the effort. Better you found out before marriage.

  101. Jesus, my partner owns our house and pays all the bills (also does alot more hours then 40 a week) and he wouldn't care how I friggin did the dishes, shoot he wouldn't even care if the dishes weren't done when he got home as long as they eventually get done. It's very very controlling, you don't get to dictate how somebody else lives their life! Even if it's intertwined with yours. She's her own person and will do things differently to you. Wash your own damn dishes.

  102. YTA - Either run the dishwasher more often or buy more tongs and spatulas. You should not have removed the dishwasher. Your girlfriend isn't your child, and you don't get to punish her for not doing things the way you like.

  103. If my husband took away the dishwasher I wouldn't lift a single finger to do the dishes. Just get a new dishwasher, since that one needed replacing anyway, and turn the damned thing on every night when you go to bed. This is such an odd hill to die on.

  104. So she does majority of the chores and it drives you crazy to wash a spatula? . Just run the dish washer yourself. Little soap and a push of a button. Yta BUT you can't do that now because your ass went and TOSSED IT OUT..... Oh I hope this costs you a whole new dish washer, so you will learn a lesson

  105. YTA - I’m sorry but I actually had to laugh out loud reading this. Honestly just run the dishwasher if the cooking supplies you need are in it. End of story. See if this is the way she’s always done it you are not going to change. Wouldn’t be surprised if the neighbors think you’ve lost your mind. Anyway, thanks for the laugh.

  106. How aren't you filling a dishwasher in less than a few days? There's just husband and me, our dishy is never left more than 48 hours. Most days it goes on overnight, maybe not stuffed to the gills but certainly enough to justify not waiting. What are you cooking that you aren't using a decent amount of pots, pans and dishes?

  107. You couldn't convince her by talking, so you removed the dishwasher, thinking, "Ha! I got you now! You have to wash the dishes by hand." She responded by saying "No," and now a teenage neighbor is in y'all's business. For bonus points, the teenagers parents are mad at you.

  108. YTA. If you want someone to do a chore, then micromanage how they do the chore- just do the chore your damn self!! People are capable of doing things differently than others would or would prefer, but still getting them done all the same. So YTA for being a controlling jerk! Let her do it her way or do it yourself!!

  109. YTA Which do you think costs less? Running the dishwasher every day, or paying the neighbour kid $5 per day to wash dishes? You've cut off your own nose to spite your face.

  110. I had an argument similar about the dishwasher several years ago but I always had crappy machines and my husband didn't...until we got a place together that had one. We couldn't use it for anything cause of slow drainage so we decided to it as a glorified drying rack at that point. We got used to handwashing for the most part. We got a good machine now but aren't at all picky about handwashing vs loading the machine. Depends on how many dishes we use but I normally like to wash my pots or cooking utensils by hand since we don't fill it that fast. Sometimes I'll put them on the top rack for a bit to dry.

  111. OMG. Let me guess, the dishwasher issue is why he couldn't just cut the sandwich in half, and had to take away her half because she wasn't eating it correctly.

  112. 😂😂😂😂your a giant flaming AH - put the dishwasher back in, let her run it every day….move on. Your causing a fight over nothing

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