What made you realize the relationship was over?

  1. When I got a Facebook message from another dude saying “your wife is cheating on us.” He thought we had one of those open relationships.

  2. My ex wife did this and when I found out she said they were just joking and she was checking whether I trust her or not. I'm like, um what?

  3. He kept breaking up with me and then making up with me. Broke up with me on my birthday (because he wasn't getting my undivided attention as my best friend was there), called me for 6 months after trying to get back with me. Called me a "fucking weasel". His family still tries to reach out over 11 years later.

  4. O o o I know this one, the family says stuff like, “you brought the best out in him, you were a good influence, he was so much happier with you” Disfunctionality, it’s contagious…

  5. I had a friend, we were going to same school, same clubs. There was something wrong about him, but i tried to be civil, and have a friendship, i should be able to do that, right?

  6. I realized that I wouldn't care if he cheated on me and would've been quite happy if he left me for someone else. I felt trapped and didn't know how to leave at the time

  7. This one. I found myself wishing he would do it in one of his episodes so I had a reason to leave that other people could see. Everything awful was behind closed doors, but if he cheated I could get out and no one would question me.

  8. How did you end up getting out? If you felt trapped / wanting something to happen, how did you actually go forward from there? /askingforafriend

  9. Sometimes this can just be an indicator that you're not spending enough time with your own friends / doing things on your own. I've been with my gf almost 10 years and can tell it's time for me to take a little break from her when I start getting snappy / everything she does annoys me.

  10. I did his too. Towards the end of my 15 years relationship, I would get sad and get the urge to just run away to a different country. When things were crumbling between us more, I would make plans in my head for the stuff I would pack and get in my suitcase when I leave. One day, I bought a brand new lip balm to take with me, and that purchase marked the beginning of the end, I knew then that it's more than a fantasy. 4 years later, I am now divorced with an amazing BF. The lip balm expired untouched, but i still have it in a cupboard as a memento.

  11. I'd lost most of my friends, my anxiety was always getting triggered, she yelled and screamed at me every day for two years and when the beatings started, I realised the last good week we had, was when we got married. Did therapy and got myself back on track, now I'm dating my best friend and she makes me feel like a king

  12. I spent years being told not to date my best friend. That it would ruin what we had. 13 years later, after 8 years of dating (he was getting his PhD, so other priorities) we are engaged and never been happier. All those people were very wrong. Date your best friend!

  13. Didn’t learn this till it was over. I kept saying “she’s not well. She wouldn’t do this.” It took my best friend yelling at me “but she is doing this. She’s showing you who she is now. It’s not who you thought she was”.

  14. Man, I was the other way around. I actually started listening to her words. She told me exactly how she felt during an argument. She only wants me around to pay bills, and wants to fuck other men. Yeah, I'm moving my money and about to leave.

  15. My ex (who was a major control freak) worked for an attorney. As a tool to get her way, she would prepare divorce papers and bring them home. The third time she pulled this, I signed them and made her file them. Game OVER.

  16. I dated a woman who blamed me for literally any problem she had. Peanubutter out? I'm over eating. Internet outage? I picked a bad internet company, etc.

  17. My ex husband liked to threaten me with divorce. Well as per him it was not a threat. He just liked to say things like "if you do this or that then it is impossible for us to live together or we shouldn't be together" and other such things. I count this as a divorce threat. Once fine day I just straight up asked for a divorce. He was shocked and was like where did this come from. Surely we don't have any issues.

  18. When her sister called me and said, "You're a really nice guy and I like you. Remember Jason? You do? Yeah, well - she's fucking him in the other room as we speak."

  19. My wife told her brother's gf that her bro was cheating. Girl was smart, hardworking, and had high dreams. My B-I-L would fuck around, transferred schools so he would not be near his gf, would bring home different girls every month. Last straw was he screwed this new girl then rode out into the night to sleep with his gf to assist him in his schoolworks. My wife quickly called her and told her everything he'd been doing. He rode his motorbike for 2 hours only to be told to fuck off and broke up.

  20. Lol I ruined my cousins Marriage because I texted her husband (who I like more than her, and would trade for her in a heartbeat) and I asked him if he was doing okay, and that he was still apart of my family and that we loved him. He asked me what I was talking about and I sent him the picture of her kissing another man. I feel horrible because he was so hurt but I’m relieved he knows.

  21. Swap "her sister" for "mutual friend" and "fucking" for "handjob" and you've got how my first 'relationship' ended - including the dude being named Jason.

  22. I was in a car accident, and he picked me up. Immediately drove me to work. And then ignored me the rest of the day. Didn't ask how I was. Didn't express any sympathy. I would've gotten more compassion and care from a stranger. Hell, my brand new coworkers were more concerned than he was.

  23. I said this to her and she got mad at me. She then tried to guilt trip me for making her feel bad that I don't see her for weeks at a time. She's only one town away and it only takes 20 minutes to get to each other's place, but that was too much effort for her.

  24. This is how I feel currently. He goes to work, comes home and gets on the computer all night and is on it from morning to night on weekends. Just playing games, watching YouTube, or gambling. And says he doesn’t have the “attention span” to sit and watch something with me. Or goes straight to the bar or casino after without telling me and lying about it even though I can see his location. We just got a puppy (now 11 weeks and has a UTI) and he doesn’t help at all even with his own 4 yo GSD and our 2 cats. Leaves socks and clothes and dishes, beer cans everywhere for me to clean up after. And makes me feel guilty for not working full time on top of doing all of the cooking, cleaning, and animal care (which is all 10 times more and harder with a new puppy) even though we move every 2 years for his career, I don’t have a car, my license expired and he won’t let me retake the test with his car. I feel stuck, exhausted, and lonely af.

  25. One of my friends is in a similar place right now, not a good thing to watch. Happy cake day! I'm new to doing this reddit stuff that means it's your birthday right? Happy birthday. it's my mother's birthday too today. Hope you had a wonderful day

  26. The night he told me that I was no longer allowed to drive anywhere by myself - that he would keep the keys and I would have to ask him to drive me places so he knew where I was going and who I was with.

  27. When I realized I only smiled, laughed and had fun when he wasn’t around. When he was, I walked on eggshells so he wouldn’t get mad.

  28. When I decided to not text her to see If she would ever start a conversation, and did not text me for an entire month.

  29. I did this to a few of my “friends”. Haven’t heard from any of them for about 10 years. Not sorry honestly.

  30. When I was explaining to a friend why I was still with them and all of it was, “it’s my fault I did too much for them so I have to show them how to live on their own now” type stuff. Their response to me was, “shouldn’t it be more on the road of ‘I love him so much I want to be with them’”

  31. I’ve definitely had relationships I extended past their expiry because of guilt more than anything. If your heart’s not in it, get out.

  32. Dammm, that's what my ex did too. Except 10 minutes after screaming at me to get out, when I had my shit packed and was getting ready to step outta there, she goes, "why are you leaving now? You have two weeks left before your bus comes to pick you up."

  33. I started anti-anxiety meds and my ex-husband immediately wanted me to get off of them because I started seeing his emotional manipulation for what it was, instead of getting caught up in the anxiety and just quietly going along with whatever he wanted, to make it easier.

  34. scary similar to my own story… except on d day he got so verbally abusive that I went upstairs to watch tv away from him. Something told me to lock the door, and I’m glad I did, because he tried to beat it down 5 minutes later. Luckily my parents lived 5 minutes away and my dad was there quickly

  35. My mother died. He did the bare minimum of sympathy and support for a few weeks, then got angry and disgusted at the fact that I was still grieving.

  36. Different details, all super messed up, but my brother died and it’s like my husband was just waiting for me to be at my weakest. No one’s ever been so awful to me in my life. Can’t wait for the divorce to be finalized

  37. Wow, this is heartbreaking and Im sure extremely disappointing for you 😔 so sorry you had to deal with someone that insensitive during such a rough time, especially someone that’s supposed to be your safe space. The only positive to this story is that he revealed his true colours and wasnt able to waste anymore of your time. I like to think that everytime something doesnt go according to plan, that its actually a blessing in disguise. Hope youre healing ❤️‍🩹

  38. We were apart for two weeks. I flew to meet him. He was waiting at the airport for me. As I descended the escalator, I could see him standing there, and I felt no happiness.

  39. Reminds me of War of the Roses when the wife pulls over to the side of the road while rushing to be with her husband in hospital, only to realize she didn't feel anything.

  40. After every disagreement ended with her playing the victim, blaming her exes or her childhood and me having to apologize for it. She did have trauma, but that wasn't my fault. She clearly wasn't ready to move on yet. I hope she was able to process her trauma and get into a healthy relationship but I have a feeling she went back to the toxic ex.

  41. Hoooonestlyyyyy…if it only lasted a year after 16 together, I’d say you absolutely rocked that break up. I wish I was more like you

  42. when he hesitated to say i love you on multiple occasions (4 years into the relationship), and got defensive when i asked if he still loved me

  43. This should really be higher up. A lot of the other ones are obvious, "I knew it was over when there was another penis involved". No shit.

  44. I said "I love you" to her literally every day. I was proud that I didn't miss a single day. Somedays it was hard to say... but after evaluating what's important and weighing priorities, I would still say it, and I meant it.

  45. When, after a week of acting weird, he finally confessed that not only had he had sex with a friend of his two months ago at a party, but now she's pregnant.

  46. I realized that I couldn’t make time for her while studying to pass the bar exam, she stopped taking her meds/ seeing her therapist, and I also realized that I couldn’t continue being her only emotional support and her boyfriend at once.

  47. In different context, some of these are straight up innocuous or benign. But I have been with my wife for almost four decades. If she wanted to wait to text me back, hang out in her truck, or take a phone call in a different room, I wouldn’t even question it.

  48. We were only three months into the relationship and I was pretty happy with what we had, until she asked me if we were together because we wanted to be, or if it was because we were afraid to be alone. We were VERY different people. She was super Christian, I'm an atheist. She was very talkative and optimistic, I'm quiet and fairly cynical. It was a relationship straight out of a sitcom. Obviously we had very stark differences, but we had never had a bad argument because we knew how to communicate our feelings and viewpoints properly when we disagreed. But that question consumed me. I tried to convince myself otherwise, because I am not afraid to be alone, but I doubted that I would ever find someone as genuinely kind and caring as she was. She was the type of person who always put others before herself. She had some quirks I found annoying, but I tried to convince myself that they were endearing because I loved her. That question made me be honest with myself. I loved her and would never want to hurt her, but I was not in love with her. The spark I had felt at the beginning of the relationship fizzled out in two weeks after that question.

  49. What would you say is the difference between loving a partner vs being in love with them? How can you tell? As someone who isn’t very in tune with emotions, I am always perplexed by people who can identify these kinds of feelings

  50. Man, very similar situation to mine with my most recent ex. Sometimes it sucks but walking away from someone you love to create space for their better person is necessary.

  51. No, she deserves to be happy. So it wasn't you who could do that with her. It doesn't mean either of you are more or less worthy, just not compatible as partners. Mismatch =/= bad. You deserve to be happy too, and it's ok to know that she was not who you would be happy with long term. It sounds like the relationship was good otherwise - you did great! It sounds like you both held each other up, nobody mistreated the other, and you probably both left the relationship as better people, even though it hurt. You did the best thing for both of you, and you made each other better for your future partners. In essence, you helped her create a future happy relationship and vice versa. It's a win/win even though it doesn't feel like it.

  52. I started having suspicions about my gf of four years, so I asked her if she was seeing anyone else. She denied

  53. When I stopped believing his lies. You cannot be in love if you cannot be truthful and you are not a good person if all you do is lie.

  54. When he told me he didn't want me to go to grad school because I would be smarter than him. This was after a few years of him asking me to put it off for money reasons.

  55. She waited until my close friend and mentor in science passed away unexpectedly before telling me that she cheated on me in the first month of our relationship, and that she wanted to have me and some other dude as herboyfriends. She wasn't one bit contrite or remorseful, and she timed it so that she could tell me in the first 24 hours after my friend died, just to ensure that I was already twisting in the breeze emotionally when she skewered me with that one.

  56. She used me to move in together promising to help pay bills and clean the house, then after we moved in together she never paid any of the bills or cleaned the house and I lost all my savings because of it

  57. Once you get that gut feeling that something is off. I've ignored it twice in my lifetime and never again.

  58. I used to trust my gut feeling but then I learned I have anxiety disorder. Now it's hard to distinguish these two

  59. I plugged my ex's old phone in (we were married at the time) so I could factory restore it and let the kids use it for Netflix or whatever.

  60. Damn bro. I’m not living with the girl right now but we have two kids n she’s seeing another guy b it sucks. Don’t know what to do. How did you move on

  61. She stopped being physical, even in playful non-sexual ways. She would always go back to the “I feel insecure in this relationship” even after hours of talking her down. Every bit of criticism I would take to heart, make my very best attempt at remedying, and it would go virtually unnoticed. There was always something I couldn’t get to. I could never do well enough. She would stop communicating with me. I went to crew a rally (I’m a pit crew mechanic) and when I left I knew it was basically over. After the race I drove 7 hours back home and she ended it a half hour later.

  62. Sounds like something I’m going through right now… except she told me she got someone already. We’re toxic but anytime we break up she’s quick to jump on another guy. Fucking sick of it

  63. A bunch of stuff, ultimately. But the one thing that sticks out: I got a call from my brother. He says "Mom's in the hospital. It looks like this is 'it'" somewhat nonchalant. My mother was, and still is, in perfectly good health, so this came as a shock. "WHAT!? OUR Mother??!". I hear the little shit go "oh calm down". My brother then explains that either he misspoke or I misheard... our 92 year old Grandmother was in the hospital dying... sad still, but at least it wasn't shocking, hence my brother's nonchalant manner.

  64. Thought about life without her 6 months down the road. If I saw her out and with someone else, would I be distraught or happy for her?

  65. It just occurred to me one day that this man will never be emotionally generous with me, because he either thinks I'm not worth it or he enjoys holding me at a distance.

  66. From someone that just got out of a "relationship" with an avoidant attachment style person, do yourself a favor and leave if you can. It's usually unresolved trauma that they refuse to work on that makes them emotionally unavailable, especially with romantic relationships. It's not worth it to try and beg them to be more open with you because they won't, and it'll only hurt you in the process. Much love, hope you find someone better

  67. We were supposed to see a marriage counselor together and he didn’t make it. So there I am sitting with the therapist and she starts asking me questions about our relationship. The more I describe him the more interested she gets till she’s practically falling out of her chair at one point, she’s leaning forward so much. She told me she was interested in having a one on one session with him. I left kind of confused because she seemed so much more interested in him than me.

  68. I’m really sorry that happened to you but I’m also laughing my head off at the idea of the therapist who was like “ooh a real life malignant narcissists, how interesting!”

  69. He told me we could stop using and get clean, but he would eventually want to do it again every once in awhile. I immediately left and fixed my life on my own. Now I'm almost five years sober, with a loving fiance and beautiful baby girl.

  70. I realized she didn't want to be with me. We tried consoling and it seemed to work for a while. About a year later she cheated. From what she told me it was the first time but who knows with all the lies she spewed that day. I kick myself now because I was so conflicted on marrying her. In the end I gave in to my guilt and did. Wish I could go back now

  71. "Removes glasses from experience " Saying I wanted to break up, followed by multiple head butted in the face, punches, hits by a dumbbell but gladly got the scissors away. Me passing out from a concussion and she goes down stairs to drink with her "Ex", dad and brother. Left to work in the morning with massive black eyes. Never went back to pickup the little stuff I had.

  72. After being screamed at everyday and being told I cannot do anything right, I went from being an optimistic, living-in-the-moment kind of a person to one who was depressed and developed an eating disorder. The day I prayed to the universe to either kill me or him, I realised that the emotional abuse had to end, and I deserve to feel safe, loved and good about myself. Still, with my self esteem hitting rock bottom, it took me a few months after this realisation, to finally break up, but thank goodness I did! For years I didn’t share the details of that relationship with anyone and kind of dealt with all those traumatising moments alone. But I am glad I finally told my therapist and I worked on mustering up the courage to FINALLY choose myself over that relationship and leave him for good.

  73. I wasn't me anymore, I was just HER NAME HERE's boyfriend. I had to do things her way only - but not only do things her way but to like to do things her way. In just a few months, I cut my hair, changed my clothes, changed my opinions on a lot of topics, and so on, but things started to scare me when she tried to convince me of change college majors to the same one as her - You know, "To have more chances when we start a family", oh and speaking of family, I must also prefer her family to my own family. In just one year I no longer knew who I was, complete identity theft. Even ten years after we broke up, now married to a wonderful person, I still deal with trauma from that time.

  74. What did she want a boyfriend or a clone? I'll never understand people who feel the need to control every goddamned aspect of someone else's life. Glad to hear you're out of it though.

  75. When I found out that she never took the initiative to arrange dates, everything was arranged by me, and she was not satisfied with everything I arranged. Just one day, I stopped calling or texting her.

  76. When we just sat in the same room without a single thing to say to one another. There was no spark or connection. We were two ships passing in the night. Quiet, deafening silence. It didn't even really hurt at that point.

  77. I have spend all the time with her since 2 years ago and being in the same room without nothing to talk about is something that tend to happen, but I think that’s because after spending all your time with someone there is some moments where you don’t know what to say because you have alredy talked with her about everything

  78. He didn’t bother to apologize anymore , he didn’t take me on vacations w him , he wanted to be alone more and more , he was angry all the time , everything I did annoyed him etc

  79. I got really sick. In the mind and the body. He wasn't very supportive, but I didn't realize it at first. It wasn't until it started interfering with our sex life, and suddenly he had a bunch of ideas on how to address THAT problem, that I realized he only cared about what he received from me.

  80. When I told her I needed her to initiate more affection from time to time so I don't feel like it's a one way road, and she responded with "well maybe I just don't love that way". I still held on for another almost 2 years but that was the beginning of the end for me. We both wanted different things out of life, and while we had grown immensely as people, I just couldn't see myself with someone who thought of affection and intercourse as a chore. Still love her and wish her the best.

  81. When we got into an argument and he told me he was in love with someone he started seeing several months earlier during our 4 and 1/2 years together. I had my suspicions for months and even asked, and every time he would tell me I was just trying to cause drama and to stop being crazy. A week after I broke some ribs and my wrist from being abused by him (all my coworkers, ER nurses and doctors, knew what was going on, and he is a paramedic) someone at work confirmed informed me that while he was abusing me, he was seeing this much younger woman that I had my suspicions about.

  82. Not one thing. I just woke up one morning and said to myself, “This is ridiculous. We don’t even like each other. We suck at communicating. Sex is impossible given our current relationship.”

  83. When they were constantly forgetting to text me and then asked me if they could date someone else too. How can you date two people if you're struggling to even date one?!

  84. the moment I figured out that their presence caused me to slip into long depressive episodes and that’s not what a healthy companionship should feel like, romantic or platonic

  85. When she had the police called on her because a random girl got my number from a friend and texted me "hey, sorry if this is weird, but I got your number from ... and I think you're really cute :)"

  86. I kissed her goodbye after a day out, and realized I didn’t kiss her because I was happy to or excited to or wanted to. I kissed her because I knew she was expecting me to and I felt obligated

  87. I knew as soon as it began, but I was too sick and codependent to let it go. Typical daddy issues. I’m the poster child for relationship clichés.

  88. We dated for three years, and were engaged for a year. But I called everything off when I realized she cared more about the wedding, and didn’t seem bothered with her and her family trying to manipulate me into hating my family, lying about the cost of the wedding, and trying to gaslight me about things I knew she was doing, so I’d look crazy and seem like a liar to her friends. As well as cause me emotional damage by not caring at all about how I felt, or how angry her actions were making me, and the fact the wedding was becoming all about her and her wanting to upstage her sisters wedding that happened eight years ago.

  89. Getting kicked out, broken up with, then finding out she'd given everything I owned away for free. Gonna venture out and say it had been over in her mind for a bit longer than it had in mine.

  90. I was at work with a sprained ankle that turned out to be broken as well, but X-ray results were delayed getting to me and they sent me on my way. The clinic called me later and wanted me to come right back ASAP to fit me for a boot instead of just an ankle brace. I asked my husband if he could drive me a few blocks away right after work to make it for their last appointment at the clinic, and he said that time wasn’t going to work because that’s when his daily bike ride is. I asked him if he had plans with someone else or if it was an organized ride, and he said no, he just didn’t know if he would feel motivated to do it if he waited an hour. Mind you, the sun would be up for another 3-4 hours still. I don’t think he was being malicious, but it was a wake up call all the same.

  91. Five years into the relationship, I told him my dream of being a concert reviewer/photographer but that I needed to quit drinking so much to get there. He said “you’ll never do it.” I left him, did it, got a job at the Village Voice. Coming up on eleven years without alcohol next month. He’s still in our hometown drinking at the same bars, I’ve been published all over the country.

  92. When I was in fuzzy pajamas, curled up in a fetal position in bed, crying because my father died rather suddenly, and my boyfriend tried to initiate sex by smacking my butt with his flaccid penis.

  93. When I realized how incompatible we were. I was more of a stay at home and spend time with each other kind of person and he wanted to go out drinking every weekend. I usually went with what he wanted to do because he would get pissy if we didn’t go.

  94. I know you probably meant this in a romantic context, but I distinctly remember when I realized my childhood best friend drifted away from me. In elementary school she moved about 30 minutes away - just enough that we could do sleepovers and stuff but weren't together on a daily basis anymore. We still hung out but as we got busy in middle school and made new friends, etc it became less and less frequent and we had less in common as we each had our own life experiences. Freshmen year she invited me to her sleepover birthday party, and I felt like such a complete outsider, as it was just me and all of her new school friends in attendance. When my mom picked me up, I cried the entire drive home because the finality hit me like a ton of bricks. We still talk on Facebook and the like, but time marches on and we just grew apart.

  95. Seeing him flirt online as if he was single. And if I confronted he would make me cry and then ask me to finally take a picture so he could post of “us”, he knew I wouldnt want a pic in that state

  96. When he had a close family friend die. I sat next to him trying to figure out the proper words to say, and knowing there was nothing good enough. I told him I was sorry and that I would be there for him. I told him that I knew that it was hard and there was little I could do. We sat together and he cried. I held him.

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