Married people of reddit, What something you wish unmarried people knew?

  1. My wife's uncle officiated for us, as he has for other family members and friends. Before the ceremony he told us his "theory of love and marriage". He said many, if not most people look at marriage as two becoming one, but that's not accurate, healthy, or stable over any length of time. He said it's not two becoming one, it's two becoming three; there's each of us as separate individuals, and then us together as it's own creation. Each of those three needs love and care and attention.

  2. In fact I'd argue it's highly important to make sure you take care of yourself because your personal difficulties are now felt by your spouse as well, especially if you can't attack the issue head on. It's okay to tell your spouse you need something for yourself.

  3. Your single problems will be your married problems. Marriage and your spouse can't fix you. Work on yourself as much as you can before you get married. For yourself and for your spouse.

  4. And honestly, any problems you have in your marriage are more than likely problems your parents had that you’ve internalized.

  5. Especially if you decide to leave your spouse to chase after a new one. You haven't fixed your current problems. You're just dumping them on someone else.

  6. This was a game changer for us! We're both cold creatures but we both also like our space in bed. We'll cuddle for a few minutes then separate to our respective sides of the bed to actually sleep. We each have our own duvet and it works out perfectly!

  7. Along with two separate blankets we also have two twin xl mattresses on a king size frame so there's no energy transfer to the other side of the bed when one of us is shifting around or whatever. Also makes moving the bed setup much much easier than dealing with a floppy two-ton king size mattress.

  8. On a related note: spouses don't actually have to sleep in the same bed or even the same room. I snore and my wife is a major bed hog. I usually get up far earlier than she does. We sleep in separate rooms and are both very happy with the arrangement.

  9. I learned this recently. I always thought that there should only be one blanket on the bed, as that's how my parents did it. Got a soulmate and we're now living together. At first I protested the two blankets and insisted that we be under the same one. I need to be cooler when I fall asleep, but once I'm there I'll sleepily roll away from her, tucking the blankets under me with a vigour that would require the strength and futility of Sisyphus to unclench my grasp. She once spend a whole night curled up to my back for warmth because she didn't want to wake me. Man did I feel bad. Then came Fall where she switched to her down duvet and my god, the amount of heat this beautiful woman puts out could rival a nuclear powered hot spring.

  10. I often hear younger couples talk about getting married as if it’s going to be some pivotal point in their lives where things suddenly change. Nothing changes..

  11. The wedding is just one day and does not fix any issues. It goes back to the exact same relationship afterwards. And if you're lucky, that's a good thing.

  12. Yes, people always told me not to get married bc it changes your whole relationship. But it changed nothing for my husband and I. Just got some really good pics together and that’s about it, lol.

  13. Yes and to go further with that: BABIES DON'T FIX RELATIONSHIPS! If you were struggling before then a baby is going to make those struggles even harder. Babies make fantastic relationships harder! Don't have a baby if you're having problems! Don't have a baby to "fix" things! Don't have a baby to try to keep your spouse from leaving! IT WONT WORK

  14. This was what I wanted to say. The problems that existed before getting married will be there after the reception. Marriage doesn’t (and shouldn’t) change anything about your relationship.

  15. Yes! I got married about a year ago (on Halloween, actually) and ever since, a lot of people will ask "how's married life?" I always feel a little strange saying "pretty much the same as unmarried life" but it's true! We had lived together for about 5 years and dated for 8ish, so the only thing that changed is our taxes.

  16. I was confused and relieved to find that marriage is more or less an infinite, never-ending, slumber party. With monetary incentives!

  17. My heart always hurts when I hear people say "I gotta pin that man down" or "I'm going to make him put a ring on it" or other things implying that the woman is coercing the man into marrying her.

  18. For me and my partner the wedding and getting married perhaps solidified the knowledge that we really want to be with each other and be the first ones to be called if one of us ends up in hospital and really build our lives together financially. Like, I suffer from pretty severe depression but we are in this together and we both bring what we can to table and we share the happiness and suffering. And we both know that even if I have less spoons than he does, I'm still an invaluable part of his life (and vice versa) and we are equal in this marriage and family.

  19. Audry Hepburn is quoted as saying "Success is like reaching an birthday and realizing you're exactly the same."

  20. Yes! I always say this! Wedding planning and the actual wedding can be really fun, but then you have to go home and actually BE married. I think a lot of people don’t fully grasp that.

  21. This is a really great way to say this. Just think of any interest you have, you attained that interest over time. You and your partner will each take on some of the others interests over time, and some will stay your own, and you'll find others ath the intersection of your interest neither of you might have tried alone.

  22. In fact sometimes it’s nice to have different interests and hobbies. Everyone needs time to do their own thing sometimes. It also exposes you to new things. I’m never going to be as interested in glass making and glass art as my wife is, but I enjoy seeing her passion and learning about a whole world I previously never knew existed. And she really does not care about gardening, but greatly appreciates getting to eat the results of it. Meanwhile I get to go have some me time out in the garden or the plant store.

  23. This is so important. I spent so long looking for an opposite sex version of myself because I thought that's what I wanted. My spouse and I are very different people that compliment each other. But our relationship is built on common goals and values.

  24. Yes, and it's OK to admit you are wrong. Because we are ALL wrong sometimes. Being pigheaded and stubborn doesn't accomplish anything.

  25. Apologize. Even when you're mad. Sometimes we are feeling extra tired and everything our partner does is irritating us. This does not mean we have a bad partner. It means we need to communicate our needs. Especially relevant when you have children. I notice I start getting irritated with my husband when I have been neglecting self-care. Being able to acknowledge its me not him who is the problem can be hard but it's so powerful to maintain good communication and a loving relationship. I have an amazing husband but he can't read my mind. 💖

  26. Knowing when your partner expects an apology seems to be a bit of a lost art. A lot of people resort to getting their back up and being defensive.

  27. Same with appreciation. It’s not “his job” to take out the trash; it’s not “her job” to have a meal ready. When you see a partner doing work, say “thank you,” don’t just feel it’s an entitlement of the relationship.

  28. Also, not everything requires compromise. Sometimes the answer is, you both do your own thing separately. Think about what the impact a decision has on you and your partner before going immediately into negotiations.

  29. Someone told me that, when a problem comes up, think of it as 'we as a couple are collaborating on a solution ' rather than ' one of us will have to compromise', which makes it feel combative.

  30. On the other hand, if you find yourself compromising too much to avoid arguments, don't marry this person, it won't get better.

  31. You don't have to argue or "fight". You're different people and it's OK to not agree on everything. It would be weird if you did!

  32. As an unmarried person, 100% agree. I’ve had a lot of people say stuff like “if you don’t fight and argue, it’s not a real relationship because you won’t always agree.” Like babe, let’s address why you think that disagreeing with your partner must always result in an argument. I get that sometimes people are frustrated and lose their cool but from my point of view, you have to recognise when that’s happening because your partner doesn’t deserve to be berated or yelled at just because you can’t manage your emotions.

  33. Also the absence of conflict doesn't mean something is wrong. I know a lot of people who, from the way they grew up, internalized the idea that arguing and fighting was part of a relationship, and sometimes those people grow up to intentionally pick fights with their SO's because they start to feel like they don't care if they never engage in conflict. Sometimes you actually just align well with someone, and mature communication means that you can argue without realizing you're engaged in conflict, and resolve the issue without ever having to raise your voice. My partner and I have been together for four years, had conflicts we were sure at the time could mean the end of the relationship, we've hurt each other and been hurt, and resolved it all into the loving relationship it is today without ever raising our voices once. It's just not always necessary.

  34. Marriage changes nothing about a relationship. You’ll be exactly the same after marriage as you were before. Kids on the other hand….

  35. Yeah kids change everything completely. Time is no longer your own, especially with infants and toddlers. If your marriage doesn’t have a solid foundation, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN.

  36. It SHOULD change nothing, but sometimes it does. I've known some people who had a completely different partner once the ceremony was over. Needless to say that those marriages didn't last long. Months at best.

  37. I have heard some different things about that. People tend to have one set of standards for a boyfriend or girlfriend, another set of standards for a lover they cohabitate with, and another standard for a spouse. This is apparently why some of those people who lived together for five years get married, and then the marriage lasts for less than a year.

  38. This, one million percent. I've been married almost 20 years and I can honestly say I don't find marriage difficult at all. In fact, it improved my life in many ways (parenting is a whole different story, LOL). But that is because my husband and I work TOGETHER AS A TEAM 100% of the time. We do whatever we can to make the other's life better/easier/happier, etc. It was that way when we were dating, it's still that way 20 years later.

  39. Also. We make a point of never badmouthing eachother to our friends. We talking positively about eachother and try to live as best friends. Raise eachother up, support, care for, etc

  40. On a similar note: Marriage is often blamed for problems that were already there/already developing. I've occasionally heard people say that couples argue more after they get married, or [problem] will only get worse. Not true. They were already headed there.

  41. Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Get help if things seem too hard. My wife and I both carried a lot of childhood trauma into our marriage. A councilor helped is both understand that and gave us tools to handle it. We're would have divorced without the help.

  42. That's awesome to hear! I would also add that it's much much nicer to get help for childhood trauma way before thinking about marriage, so that once you're married you don't have to try adjusting to the new therapy process suddenly and together, it can just be a normal part of your life you're already working on.

  43. I’m always afraid my fiancé are rushing into it because we’re young(ish). We’re both 26 but we’ve been together for almost 6 years and have lived together for three. So I feel safe to say that we’ve worked through many issues that newly weds face.

  44. My girlfriend is this way always. It makes me so happy because she's always so much more excited for me than I am. I'm proposing soon 😃

  45. We had a pastor at a church that used to ask, "Whats going to happen when you get married and THEN you meet 'the one'?"

  46. Yeah, I'm definitely NOT trying to get married to the wrong person. Young as fuck, still growing here, barely know what I want, I'll die single before I marry the wrong person honestly. 27 now anyway, no rush.

  47. I used to be so lonely it hurt deep constantly. I dated the first person who wanted to be with me and had plans to marry, while lying to myself so convincingly I thought they were perfect. Turns out it was a horrible relationships because we were probably the least suited people on the planet.

  48. Spending time with my wife is neither a burden or a chore. She was my best friend before we even started dating, of course i enjoy hanging out with her.

  49. Dude, yes! I wouldn't have married my husband if I didn't enjoy spending time with him, wtf. Hate when my coworkers sit around shit-talking their spouses and I'm just there like...cool, y'all sound toxic, I actually like my husband and look forward to chilling with him every day.

  50. Covid really brought this to the forefront and shined a spotlight on a lot of people’s relationships. During the height of it all when things were locked down, I would say to my wife at least one a week “I’m so glad we like each other”. I’m not saying it was easy by any means, but definitely easier doing it with someone you enjoy being around, and I was shocked to see how many couples that wasn’t the case.

  51. One night last week just before we were about to fall asleep, I turned to my husband, all excited, and listed all of the reasons it’s so awesome to be married to my best friend. He’s the best friend I always wanted. Always up for fun and adventure, laughing or crying. It’s like we’re actively living a My Buddy commercial but we’re both alive. We’re not perfect but damn I waited my whole life for this best friend!

  52. So much this. I got a Nintendo Switch because I like hanging out with him while he plays X Box. He plays his game, I play mine, we cuddle, it's wonderful. We do date nights too, but it's nice to just chill with him too.

  53. I almost cut off communication with my best friend because of this mindset. When he moved out of state he was constantly badgering me to get online to play video games. Whenever I'd tell him I just wanted to just sit with my wife, he'd go off saying I was whipped. No dude, I'm not whipped. I haven't seen my wife in 8 hours and I missed her. My god that shit was frustrating.

  54. My wife and I kinda marvel about this - after 17 years, there's nothing to do on Fridya night? Call up some old music videos on youtube, then sit and talk about the world over a bottle of wine, comfy on the couch.

  55. Saying “let me ask my wife” doesn’t mean I’m asking permission. We’re a team, we make decisions together. Also, if it’s about going to or doing something, I’m really forgetful and want to make sure we haven’t already made plans.

  56. Yes! Me talking to my husband about plans doesn't mean he's controlling or that I can't do what I want; I'm just trying to make sure I didn't forget we're doing something that night, and I'm also not about to commit him to plans without actually seeing if he's into them first.

  57. My wife has a friend who just cannot understand this. She constantly badgers her about doing stuff my wife has not even had a chance to mention to me yet. We have 2 kids. We have to coordinate

  58. Ugh - my family does not get this. When my family asks me or us to do something, I will often say "let me ask my husband." They read it as me asking his permission, which is 100% not the case. I'm my own person and do what I want, but it is because I don't always know what he has going on and he is the point person on some of the kids activities, so I want to ask him to be sure there is not a conflict not because I need his permission to do anything. To me, it's common courtesy, to them, it's me deferring to my husband. Been married almost 20 years and they still don't get it - frustrating.

  59. Not married but I always check in with my gf before committing to major plans because I'm forgetful as shit and constantly forget when we already have things booked so I feel you.

  60. Just to soften this, I always tell my friends I need to consult the family calendar, rather than saying I want to ask my husband.

  61. It's weirdly looked down upon to coordinate with your wife, I blame the "ball and chain" jokes personally. We've chosen to go through life together, of course we're making sure to keep in touch about plans.

  62. Exactly! I'm a terrible planner. I can make plans for tomorrow and forget about them by the morning. Me checking with my wife doesn't mean I'm asking permission. I'm making sure I'm not double booking myself. The worst part is if you did forget about plans and tell your friend you can't make it, they'll label you as "whipped"

  63. This!!! I don’t understand why people automatically assume one partner is asking permission from another. My husband is really forgetful about plans and always asks me first so he doesn’t double book. Also it’s good communication between partners especially if one of you don’t want to go.

  64. I came here to comment exactly this. The amount of times I get comments like “oh you’re whipped” but nah I just respect my wife and her time as well as my own

  65. Sometimes your spouse is a good sanity check when you’ve got this “great idea” for something you want to do. That’s why before anything I’m always asking my wife.

  66. It's okay for your relationship to look the way you want it to. Don't worry about stereotypes or society standards. If you enjoy separate hobbies, great. If you want to play video games together well into your 40s+, go for it. As long as you're not being abusive towards one another I really do think there's no right or wrong way to do marriage. It took me a few years to realize I didn't need to fit some "wife mold" due to the way I was raised and I'm so much happier now that we live exactly the way we want to.

  67. Me and my partner had 2 days off without the kids (thank you nursery) ans we stayed in and played boardgames. It was fantastic.

  68. Love is a choice. Once you choose to commit to your partner, choose to keep loving them. Choose to respond with love and compassion. Choose to put them first, and vice versa. There are definitely exceptions to this, like abuse and cheating.

  69. Love grows when your needs are being met. If you're not feeling the love anymore, look at yourself and your partner and see what needs aren't being met and what changes you need to make to connect better. Love is the result, not the cause, of a good relationship.

  70. I agree. Your hobbies and interests are part of the personality that your spouse should be in love with. I don't do woodworking or play video games, but I feel good when my husband spends a day relaxing with those hobbies. He has fun and I enjoy living with a happy person.

  71. It's a heck of a lot of work, but not hard work. But you have to do it, each and every day. Some people get tired of doing it everyday. Some people never wanted to do it everyday. Some people make one partner do it all. Sometimes it doesn't work. It only works so long as you wake up and do it every day, there are no days off.

  72. The person they are before you marry them is the person they’ll be after. Don’t believe marriage makes a person change or “grow up”.

  73. For the love of God don’t go crazy with how much you spend on the wedding day. It’s ONE day and it’s over in a flash. Try to keep costs down as much as you can; that money you saved can go towards a house or into savings for when you’ll truly need it

  74. Thank you! I’ve been learning this lesson recently. Once I learned that it’s ok to just sleep on it things started resolving way easier. The tensions leaves and the discussion the next morning always feels wayyyy less hostile for both of us. (Been married 3 mo, can confirm this shit is hard)

  75. My sister-in-law is obsessed with the “don’t go to bed mad” thing and she and my brother fight all the time. It just means that on the nights they fight they’re doing it until 5am because she won’t let it go until they can “compromise.” It’s such a waste of time and energy and most importantly SLEEP. I’d be fighting all the time too if I never got to sleep because I had to nitpick a tiny argument for 6 hours every night.

  76. I will say that while the wedding is over in a flash, it’s definitely a day you remember forever and can be an incredible opportunity to celebrate your partner and your family/friends. Absolutely keep costs down, but if you know there’s something you can make happen on the wedding day that everyone will enjoy, that can be well worth a little extra money.

  77. On the note of blowing it out for the wedding day, I would note that at least for some, it's certainly one of the most extravagant parties you will ever throw. It's also in some cases a rare opportunity to pull together your friends of yore for one more big hurrah before you all stumble off into adulthood, life, etc...

  78. During a long relationship you will face devastating emotional events (ie, death of parents) that will test the limits of your bond. If you married anyone less than your best friend, your relationship will not survive. The divorce rate of partners who’ve lost children is almost 67%. My wife and I have lost our son, and both sets of parents during our 38 years of marriage, and we wouldn’t have survived if not for the fact that we’re best friends who are emotionally bonded beyond the bedroom.

  79. Divorce is awful and terrible and painful. Before you enter into marriage, realize that the only way out ( except death I guess) is a very painful, public, and traumatizing experience. If you don’t truly believe you can make it work for the rest of your life, don’t do it unless you can handle the train wreck that is divorce.

  80. You have to marry the right person. How do you know who that person is? Your values match up. If your values don’t match up at least 95% DON’T MARRY THAT PERSON.

  81. A really wonderful tip I've heard is "marry the person that feels like home." Meaning if you truly feel at ease, vulnerable, safe, and like you can fully let your guard down around them, that's the person for you

  82. Life is hard. A marriage is the ultimate partnership. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I have her back. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS she has my back.

  83. Learn to communicate. With each other. Good communication goes a long way to keeping things together. Both parties have to be willing and able to sit down and talk about things, maybe not right away, but at some point. Have some give and take. Realise that you come from different circumstances and that you won't always be speaking the same language, but taking things through will make the biggest difference. Oh, and if you can't communicate with someone at all before you get married, don't.

  84. I became a widower at 37, she was 39. It's been almost 10 years and I've had a lot of time to think about this stuff. All those things that irritate you that don't actually mean anything? Cherish them because you'll miss them when they're gone. I'd give anything to have my wife unload the dirty dishwasher and reload it because she didn't like where I put one single bowl just one more time.

  85. On a similar note, it also works in non-romantic relationships. I got into a very intense fight with my very good friend over (boiling it down) different expectations/miscommunication/both of us being hardheaded.

  86. Mostly that it's important, IMO, to choose a spouse you like hanging out with and doing mundane shit with. Grocery run? Errand hang? My husband and I have the best time just doing small shit like that together .

  87. I'm glad to see this comment, b/c all the "marriage is so hard every single day" comments just don't jibe with my experience, lol. My husband and I don't fight and we don't have a difficult time being together. We've had difficult circumstances in our lives, but our relationship has always been easy. I think compatibility and respecting the actuality of who your SO is are the keys.

  88. Agree with all of this. Obviously there will be conflicts, but if you are constantly having to bend over backwards, or have fights followed by tearful come to Jesus talks, something fundamental is wrong, and more work isn’t the answer.

  89. I’m not “asking permission” when I say, “let me check with (spouse).” I’m either politely saying “No” to you, or I’m informing my spouse so I can verify we don’t have plans, or I’m informing him so he’s not wondering where I am, etc. It’s courtesy.

  90. Never stop dating your partner; marriage doesn't mean you get to be complacent. This means making time and setting your schedules aside just as you did when you weren't engaged for your loved one.

  91. Literally had this talk with a friend of mine a few years back. Their marriage being "on the ropes" was a kind way of putting it. I told him that if he wanted to make it work, it couldn't just be a "meet in the middle" level of effort. He would have to be willing to put in 100% of the work, and then she would need to do the same. Unfortunately, he said he just wasn't willing to do that.

  92. I just started golfing. The amount of people thst look at me like I'm crazy because I want to golf with my wife is insane. I enjoy spending time with her, why not have a nice day in the park too?

  93. Getting married is not a guarantee. It won't prevent cheating, or divorce. The only thing it does, in the case of one wanting to leave, is prolong the process.

  94. Yep, been married almost 10 years now and we joke that we have each other trained pretty well at this point! Honestly, when you're with someone that you know so completely and that you trust so implicitly, the sex gets to be PHENOMENAL, it just keeps getting better and better every time.

  95. This is so true. Casual hook ups are like shitty fast food that’s been sitting under the lights too long, and married sex is like having a personal chef.

  96. Marriage does not solve problems. Marriage does not cause problems. Living with another person/ family just brings out a lot of traits within you. How you deal with them contributes to making a marriage.

  97. Sometimes couples don't fight. Me & my husband disagree but it's never gone any further than "oh okay then, agree to disagree" and we move past it.

  98. Increase your toilet paper budget when you get married. Holy crap I was not prepared for how much toilet paper women go through, then we had 2 daughters…

  99. It’s okay to sleep in different rooms. Really. We still have plenty of intimacy, but we both sleep much better and are able to have different schedules.

  100. My boyfriend and I have seperate rooms. We sleep together most of the time, but if one of us needs to wake up earlier than the other or came home much later we just crash in the other bedroom to avoid waking each other up. Sometimes we do it just cuz we feel like taking up the whole bed lol. I also like that we have two different rooms to decorate with our own styles and spend time alone in if needed

  101. I have a condition where I sweat profusely while I sleep. She has night terrors and thrashes around the bed quite often. Life would be hell if we slept in the same bed.

  102. Fully agree, haven’t slept in the same bed as my wife since our first kid (have 3 now). Being physically close to each other while your not conscience has no bearing on your relationship. Both of you getting a good night sleep definitely does. I sleep weird hours and like to move around and watch tv in the night and to go to sleep. It is totally not fair to ask my wife to deal with my horrible sleeping patterns just because that’s what society says.

  103. Don't hide anything from your SO(secrets, behavior, opinions, tastes, plans, wishes, what turns you on/off). The longer you keep it, the more you'll see that it's not your real self and it gets harder is to get it out

  104. Be obvious. Neither of us get hints. I will flat out tell my husband I need more clitoral stimulation during happy fun times. Sexy? Nope. Did it work? Yes.

  105. Seriously, it's just a fucking party where everything costs double and there's a ton of extra self-imposed stress. Keep that shit cheap and simple and spend those precious dollars on something actually fun or an investment into your combined future.

  106. Also, if you wouldn't marry your spouse-to-be in a five minute registry office ceremony where both of you are dressed in your rattiest pyjamas, don't marry them. Sure, you might prefer to have a big fancy party to celebrate your marriage, but if the party is the important bit you can just, y'know, throw a party.

  107. Exactly. I'm honestly confused by all the folks who are saying it's super hard. 15 years married, 20 together. My marriage is the easy part of my life.

  108. Sleeping on the couch isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sleep is important. If I’m sick, have insomnia, snoring, etc., I’ll go to the couch so that only one of us is sleep-deprived and grumpy the next day, rather than both. It’s totally ok to use the bedroom for fun sexy times and then go separate places to actually sleep.

  109. That’s what I do with my partner. We have our own rooms. We sleep better separately. We still sleep together like once per week, but on the days we have work, it’s separate. And it doesn’t have to kill intimacy. We still have a lot of sex and cuddles. Just at the end of the night when it’s time for bed, we go to our rooms. Sleep is very important.

  110. This is the biggest hurdle for my wife and I. We both come from toxic families. I’ve written mine off. Her’s still come around to mooch and leech, asking for money, borrow the car, raid the fridge. And it’s all because my wife doesn’t want to upset them. It’s a huge strain on our marriage because we aren’t well off people. In fact, we’re impoverished.

  111. This can be a good thing as well. I was at an even recently with my mom's side of the family and they were telling me how my grandma (dad's mom) calls them and sends cards every now and then. A good chunk of my mom's side of the family showed up to my grandpa's (dad's dad) funeral years ago. I really like how both sides of my family mix and get along. However I'm wondering how rare this is.

  112. Its the small things that matter. Be a part of each others lives. Even if you do one thing, do it consistently, like taking out the garbage everyday. Commit to your duties. Dont decide u dont want to so because it is not rewarding or u r not thanked for it. My dad died 8 years back and even today when my mom makes her morning tea or checks the door before going to sleep, she remembers him.

  113. We don't give a shit if you're single. No one is looking down on you. (Heck, a subset of married people are almost surely envious of you.)

  114. That the butterflies in the tummy, the wibbles when you see them, the fairytale romance of it all is a big lie. Don't marry that person, it won't end well. And don't have a list of requirements that can change in an instant: good job, money, a certain physique or hair colour, house, car, etc. Three paychecks can change all that. If you must have a list then make it on qualities: kind, funny, tender, honest.

  115. I will say that after being with my wife for almost a decade I still get butterflies and wibbles thank you very much.

  116. Giving up the idea that my way was the correct way and celebrating having someone help me get things done was marriage changing. Put us in such a better place.

  117. I've had several dogs and also have a child, and while it's certainly not a 100% analog, it does prepare you for a few things.

  118. I had two kids before I had my first dog. I would take another kid over another dog. At least the kids eventually learn to feed, clean, and entertain themselves. A dog is like having a permanent toddler.

  119. Go to therapy when you notice a continued pattern of conflict BEFORE it becomes something that festers and becomes irreconcilable.

  120. This seems like a really obvious thing, but I have seen so many posts from people who are in relationships of a year or two, or less, or recently married, who are, for instance feeling less-attracted to their partner because they have gained or lost weight, or changed their facial hair or something.

  121. Please please please get to know your partner well before getting legally involved with them. You should already try out living together, discussing your values/dreams/life goals, important life decisions (like children and whether you want them or not), etc etc. You don't want to find out this stuff after the fact and have it be something you can't live with. Divorce is expensive, can make people turn very ugly very quickly, and doesn't always end well.

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