Coming home late-Marriage

  1. My father always said if your husband/wife doesn't come home until 4 in the morning, they're either doing drugs or cheating.

  2. Hm, I think it's not that black and white. I'm in a very commited relationship, but we got together really young and are still in our twenties. So we'll stay out individually late with friends sometimes, but of course not without discussing it first and texting during the evening.

  3. The only time my husband has been out that late is because of work. I stay out that late only when I'm with my friends, but that hasn't happened in a long time because I just don't have that kind of stamina anymore As long as we let the other know where we are and when we should be expected back, then we're fine.

  4. I’m a little surprised by the results so far.. a lot more than I assumed or thought say they wouldn’t take issue with it so long as their spouse called or texted.

  5. Depends though. If they call and have no plans and they are out with a bid wouldn’t bother me. Just a straight up hey I’m going to be out without a discussion would be bothersome.

  6. We aren't THAT old yet and it wasn't THAT long ago for us that being out all night with friends till early morning was a normal weekly reoccurrence 😄 or maybe it's a regional thing but 4 am is a normal time to be home from a party here.

  7. I'd be calling/ texting non-stop. And he better have an excellent reason for being out late, no pre-warning or explanation, no call or text to say he's ok. Absolutely not!

  8. The way my husband drives stresses me out, and so if he's out that late unexpectedly AND doesn't pick up the phone, I'm immediately assuming he's been in an accident.

  9. Right?! If I didn't know where my husband was and he was out past 10pm, I'd be flipping out. "Going out with the guys" covers you til 10, then I need an update cause it's bedtime and I can't sleep unless I know he's safe.

  10. There is so much context missing in your post. Does he have a far commute for work? Does he do shift work? Is he out drinking with friends? Does he come home drunk when he does get home? The huge issue is that he won't communicate with you. Does he openly have affairs? Or are you guys in an open relationship and you're more upset about the communication piece?

  11. How long has he been doing it? My husband is out late maybe a handful of times a year and I always know who, what when and where. We wouldnt be married if he did it a handful of times a week.

  12. I work early mornings, my wife works afternoons and some evenings. If she's planning on working late for visiting her friends on the way home she'll shoot me a text or call so I don't worry. It's the piece of mind, I don't have to randomly wake up and see she's not home and worry she hit a deer or slid into the ditch.

  13. What about having fun with friends? I don't understand why that's suddenly not allowed once married. The fact that I enjoy going out with my girls like once a month or something and stay out late doesn't make me a bad or unfaithful wife.

  14. It really depends on the situation. If I am waiting for him to get home because we have plans or something, I can get very frustrated.

  15. Sorry husband here not a wife - but yeah consider this pretty terrible, he's basically acting like a bachelor, I have no problem with people having some socializing apart from their SO but you let people know what your up to and show respect for their needs in the mix.

  16. I chose “don’t do it again or I’m leaving” because I would LOSE IT if my husband did something like this. We both work from home now, but when we worked in the office we would keep one another generally aware if we were going to be home late or stop somewhere on the way home. I typically cook dinner for us and we eat together. It’s common courtesy.

  17. I think for me it depends. If my husband is out socially I think the latest he’s been home is 2am. But I’ve been out in Vegas as late as 5 or 6am a time or two with his mom so it just depends. We trust each other. If I’m out alone, I don’t have a reason to be away from him because I love being with my husband so much. :)

  18. Cheaters cheat during the daytime, too; they’re not vampires lol. Just a call or text for the occasional late night is very reasonable especially ahead of time.

  19. Uh no. This is NOT OK in a committed relationship. How would HE feel if he couldn't get a hold of you and half the week you were coming home in the early hours with no explanation? I'm certain he wouldn't be happy!

  20. If I knew where she was and she updated me Id have no issue, but usually she'll just stay the night at her friend's if shes out that late.

  21. It's perfectly understandable that you are worried and stressed because you don't know where he is. But, you may not be communicating your emotions correctly to your husband if he thinks that you are being "angry". Instead of making him criticized for doing something "wrong", perhaps you can just telling him that you feel worried and concerned when you don't know where he is and that it causes you unnecessary stress. He would probably respond much better if you nicely asked him to just send you a text if he will be out late, rather than if you made him feel like an inconsiderate a**hole.

  22. I’d probably call his friends and family to see if anyone has heard from him and then maybe start calling hospitals and the police if this happened. If it’s multiple occurrences, I would not accept that. It would likely be the end of a a marriage for me if they didn’t change.

  23. He's passive aggressive. He also has no respect for you because you've tolerated this it will continue. Either put up and shut up or leave. Those are your only options. There's nothing to fight about here.

  24. I picked other because I think jumping straight to leaving is a little much. I think leaving with no return time or communicate is a no no, I'm more confused that he's saying hello be 20 mins and shows up hours later. What does he say that he's doing? My mind would definitely be jumping to drugs or cheating.

  25. He’s either got a gambling addiction or he’s cheating or he’s a depressed alcoholic. I’m totally generalizing but there are very few excuses to be out that late on a regular basis without communication.

  26. Part of me wants to go like some and say get mad and leave. However there is things that seem a bit strange here. According to you this has happened for a long time. Not like it just started 6 months or even a year ago. Two things jump out. Have you two ever sat down and set relationship boundaries/rules? Before our wedding even we sat down and started our rule book and have added to it as like parenting things and extended family things came up. Things like even if anything happens the truth would come from us instead of hearing from some 3rd person. We would not travel for work with another of the opposite sex , even being given names of people or places we are going to especially late at night, among other things. We then have been hrld accountable to these rules. Too often one partner just assumes it is fine with the other because they are or because it was fine for their parents or family. If haven't before just assuming the worst you may try discussing needing to set some boundaries you both can agree to. If he is reluctant to that, then yes he has more problems than that. Good luck.

  27. Dude I would 100% rather he was out fuckin someone else so long as I knew where he was. I don't want to worry that he's dead somewhere.

  28. I'd say it depends on when expected home. If he gets off of work at 0330 and took an extra 10 minutes it is a far cry from being out all night If I am out that late on short notice, I worked that late and told my wife, or I would be with my wife, or something truly horrible has happened.

  29. My husband wouldn't do this. If he did he better have a serious fucking explanation and it would not be allowed become a thing he does more than once a week every week.

  30. Have you been able to look at his phone? If he's not someone to let you look at his phone...then I would check his phone at night when he's sleeping. Sounds insecure, but it's a lot cheaper than buying a PI right? And at this point, you have every right to check it cause wtf. Also, if he finds out you want to see his phone, he may clean things up if anything bad is in there...so if I were you I would look it when he's unaware.

  31. There are VERY few reasons my husband would stay out that late. Emergencies, and MAYBE a friend's bachelor party which he'd probably just spend the night. I don't even have to make this a boundary because 1. I don't stay out this late and 2. I'm my husband's best friend, if he's staying up with someone it's with me lol. Good golly

  32. First off if I was ever coming home that late my husband would know all the details, he would know that I would be home at 4:00, and I would also probably have already invited him to go out clubbing with me, which he would say no thank you. I would also then ask if he could pick me up, which he would probably also say no thank you and to get a ride with my friends If I could.

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