Was told I need to "soften my language" in emails at work today

  1. Came here to say exactly this. Please give me an example. Do we have office guidelines that I am not abiding by re: the content of emails?

  2. Came here to say this. If you know you’re being professional, you’re just dealing with some whiny babies. Ask for examples of when your phrasing was too harsh, then wait patiently as they try to find an example. If they come back with a direct line of communication, or ask you to add “please,” ask for them to rephrase it for you in a way that is more suitable for them. If what they give you is watered down bs, or changes something that can come from you as a directive and not a request, reply as such. Continue these documented email responses until they are forced to concede that this request to you was, is, and continues to be bs.

  3. THIS. It’s funny, I had a scenario with a team member who was defacto my boss so was in hindsight probably a sociopath. Towards the end when barked at me for my poor performance I asked him for examples and he said ‘figure it out’ and made it sound like I was being hostile 😂 corporate America hides a lot of toxic people

  4. Yup. I was going to say you should ask your supervisor how HE emails this guy so that you can follow his example. And then watch how your e-mails stay exactly the same.

  5. I'm just here to agree that this is very much the way. Of course you'll pursue the line of questioning as professionally and appropriately as you have been, but as a joke, I do offer that you are essentially asking, "Please point at the email and show us where the mean lady hurt you." Don't back down, double down. Like, what exactly do they want you to change? You got this.

  6. Also, you could always bcc or cc EVERYONE when emailing. Men often call women *bitch for doing exactly what they do. It's frustrating. I've taken a few DEI courses. As a side note - great job for getting shit done. Keep looking for a job that appreciates you -- they DO exist ❤️

  7. I got this exact same note about softening my language and asked for specific examples where I was harsh, rude, or inappropriate and my supervisor dropped it.

  8. Don't call out the male colleagues, at least not yet. Take notes of it, especially if the email is responded to with praise by management. Wait for disciplinary action, sue for sex based discrimination.

  9. Do this, but also document the time & date of the meeting and what was said for further reference. A decent supervisor or manager isn't just going to give you something to work on, they are going to give you some suggestions or help. If he had an employee who just can't deal with stress, that's on him and that employee. If he can't provide exact examples and what the problem is, then he's the problem. Or one of them. You don't even necessarily need to call them out for using the same language, you can keep it documented, take screenshots or save emails, etc. And then talk to HR or even an employment attorney later. I went through something similar to this many years ago because the manager mainly just didn't want the person who could audit her expenses around. I didn't want to go back to the job when I finally was asked to leave, but I had a ton of documentation to take to an attorney and get a sweet little settlement as well as getting some attention on her books.

  10. I have a gender neutral name, in fact, it must appear more masculine because they always assume he. It's delightful, and I love it -- because it has made my life so much easier. People listen to me, I get de-facto acceptance of being right, I don't have to argue or debate.

  11. Reminds me a bit of this one online “true”story (I’ve never tried to verify it) where a man at this company was getting complaints from a client about a woman he (the client) was having to work with. Apparently the man at the company spoke with her and from her responses, decided to try switching email addresses with her when dealing with the client. Despite nothing else changing other than the email names, the client started responding more positively when he thought he was working with man (even though he wasn’t). I don’t remember where the story went from there, nor do I know if it were actually true, but the fact remains that this type of attitude toward women in the workplace exists. I’m just happy I don’t have to deal as much with it anymore.

  12. In my field of work, a woman was pitching a project, got laughed at and rejected. She talked about it with a colleague and friend (who is male) and he couldn’t believe what she was going through, so he decided to pitch the same project himself. The higher-ups didn’t even realize it was the same pitch and they approved it.

  13. This is literally what publishers told JK Rowling. They were worried that boys wouldn't be interested in reading the book if they thought it was written by a woman. Rowling doesn't even have a middle name, let alone one begining with K. But she had to make one up just so that males would read it.

  14. I’m working on a comic and am choosing to go by my middle name as it’s gender neutral. I also went by my middle name when I was in school for industrial design. You get a MUCH better response from people when they assume you are male. It’s disgusting, but it gets the job done.

  15. I have 2 kids, a male & female. Their names are something like Alex and Sam. Who is who? I did this intentionally as I have a really unique name. Never in my life have I round someone with the same pronunciation and spelling. I wanted them to have easy, recognizable, and simple to shorten because of this. They each have an email that is first [email protected] whatever.com

  16. Why are people like this? I can't fathom treating people differently because they are women. I'm a cis man and I talk exactly the same way with my male and female colleagues.

  17. My boss uses the shorter, traditionally masculine form of her name in all business matters for this exact reason.

  18. This is so frustrating and disheartening to read. Earlier in my career, I got feedback that I was too direct and perceived as difficult to work with - meanwhile, I was modeling myself after my mentors. They were male. They were lauded as strong and decisive. This was over 20 years ago and it saddens me to be reminded of how little has changed.

  19. Last year, I definitely would have adjusted my language and felt defeated. Today, I held my ground and I feel so good about myself even though I'm steaming about it even being a thing

  20. Some places it's getting better. My direct lead is a woman and we wound up on an e-mail chain trying to resolve a particular difficult problem. The CEO eventually got included due to the nature of the issue. My lead wrote to the effect of "these fuckers know what they have to do and won't" and the response from the CEO was: "I'm glad someone said it directly. Tell them to do it."

  21. Oh, I get this all the time! I tend to have a very neutral voice when speaking online, especially to people I don’t know. I can rarely tell through text if someone is joking around or what their tone is, so I assume the same for them and try to be as clear and neutral as possible.

  22. I'm always super friendly when talking in-person so I don't know why they think I'm not still that person, just professional 🙄

  23. oh my I've been told Im a "cold bitch" too. Makes me think it's actually compliment by intimidated people.

  24. I'm soWWy AcCoUnTiNg-senpai uwu, I know you awe a busy man- but, uh, but, uh x3 - couwd I pweez see youw expense wepowts? Thankies! Nom, rawr, nyan! ^_^

  25. Don't forget the smiley face emojis and use comic sans, I'm told it frightens men less and keeps them from getting all testerical.

  26. Hahaaaaaa!!! I work in the Accounting dept. and I have stuck in requests for receipts amongst emails about TV shows or books. I do keep it somewhat professional. I will stare down someone in person if they owe me documents or a signed check. Or send the classic, "per my last email..." (I did have to correct an executive in an email about giving out the wrong information about a donation. They took it well and responded, "OH MY GOD. EMBARRASSING")

  27. I go back and edit my emails to remove the deferential language that I was socialized to use. I just wanted to let you know— Nope. I wanted to let you know. Better yet, please note.

  28. I take out all "i think" because of course i think it out out wouldn't be written! And also i edit so i use a Mac of one exclamation point. I'm enthusiastic by nature lol

  29. I’m the flip: I basically weaponize the social idea of femininity at certain times to make my life easier. I’m usually direct, but sometimes I purposefully add that kind of deferential language in.... mainly if the big boss decides to do Y but I know he’s wrong, I’ll phrase the email like “I think we should maybe do X instead, just because [reason]” then I ask for HIS opinion. Because otherwise his middle aged white man ego will get offended and it’s easier for me to make him think doing X was HIS idea, or even his decision, that I was just smart enough to realize was a better one. Him liking me means I can get more leeway, bigger bonuses, and a bigger raise once.

  30. This! I've been working in construction and have been working really hard to stop minimizing myself in text and speech!

  31. I started doing this recently and I am honestly pretty embarrassed by how deferential my language is prior to editing. A typical email from me to a male colleague who has to complete a certain task every morning, and is constantly late doing so!, would look like this:

  32. Yes! I take a long time to write emails because I say what I want to say first, then I go back and take out all of my automatic vocabulary (I automatically use adjectives and whatnot that are more … descriptive?/accurate than most would use). Take out any uncertainty. Take out unneeded apologies. And otherwise gut the email as much as possible to ensure that that it is read at all. I work with folks that will ignore long emails. Short and sweet if you need something done quickly. Bullet points help if it needs to be long.

  33. I removed conjunctive from my work emails (no would could) - this is for German. No more "I would like to know when they arrive", it’s: "when do they arrive?"

  34. How is it your fault that your supervisor can’t differentiate between aggressive language and assertive language? I’d personally pull the supervisor aside and have a dialogue about it and what the actual problem is?

  35. That’s fucking annoying. You are not responsible for the feelings of the emotionally fragile in perfectly normal work emails. I’ve started doing this myself. No exclamation points. No emojis. Just facts and professional language. People do respond to them differently but I don’t need to write in a way that makes someone else feel better. I actually learned this from my bad ass female boss.

  36. And I bet if your male colleagues started using hearts and emojis, they’d be castigated by their peers for “not being manly”, and their concise communications are praised by management for “getting the job done”.

  37. Personally, I'd take my most recent email to the person who is complaining and ask them to walk me through how they would prefer it to be changed. Do it "respectfully" and "helpfully" but it might be interesting to put them on the spot to explain what they are finding offensive since they are being so subjective on how they are interpreting your emails.

  38. Thankfully my supervisor is a good friend of mine. He's definitely old school in his thinking but when I validate him and tell him that I'm not upset or thinking he's not supportive, he's usually on board. The other supervisor, however, might cause a passive aggressive stink so I rarely talk to him outside of email.

  39. Am AMAB and usually read as male - and can confirm, I do indeed get castigated and lose opportunities at work because I'm not perceived as direct and forceful enough by executive management. (Nevermind that my teams always work well together and deliver, and almost every job I've ever left has ended up hiring multiple people to replace me.)

  40. Personally, at my old workplace, I didn't get castigated, but it's usually not commented on--like a joke that falls flat. Which is sorta progress, in that I don't think it held me back from opportunities, but also shows that we still have a lot of gender expectations to dismantle.

  41. I get this all the time, and it's almost always men that complain and speak to me about my "language and tone of emails" when it was just to the point without any fluff.

  42. I was just having a conversation with someone about how women are seen as "rude" for not being outwardly friendly to men, but if they're too outwardly friendly, then they're seen as leading them on.

  43. There's literally no winning! So I'm trying to just do me and let people sort themselves out. Its hard after years of adjusting myself for others though 😓

  44. My boss is incredibly smart and hardworking. She should have been promoted to VP level ages ago, but she hit the ceiling. She's often described as "difficult, too direct, and she questions other departments business practices too much." What the complainers never mention is she's ALWAYS right.

  45. I got similar feedback after I came out as trans. Best part was I never changed my tone or style. I still send emails the exact same way I did when I thought I was a man.

  46. I laughed at this, then I stopped and wondered if this should make me cry. I have people treat me totally different if I am wearing pants or a skirt. I am still just me and it is crazy how people want us to be who they think we should be.

  47. God, I transitioned the opposite way and in a similar vein got a totally different responce. Didn't change my writing style and now people see me as super insecure or cloying, when before it was fine. Maddening

  48. Print out emails, ask supervisor to highlight specific parts that are not acceptable. Bonus points if some emails are what you've received rather than sent.

  49. As a guy, it seems like a 99% Chance that if another guy was sending emails like this they’d be expected have thick skin. But since it’s a female sending the message, they can be offended. What garbage.

  50. If someone wants to project their insecurities into my emails, I can't prevent that. Going out of my way to coddle these insecurities, is codependent enablement and not a healthy workplace culture to promote, as I'm sure HR would agree.

  51. I don't know how feasible it is based on the work you do over email. But if I were you, I'd be tempted to see how much I could borrow email language from well-respected male coworkers. Comb through their emails, grab sentences and phrases that they've used, and try to build your own email templates using that as source material.

  52. This reminded me the time I got called aggressive because I raised my voice to defend myself , and I got that for the emails, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this but keep the coldness.

  53. I’m a nurse and I had to speak to a physician one time about some charting stuff that I had to work on. I said maybe 10 words to him total and he told me team lead at the time that I intimidated him. I told her “I don’t fucking care. That’s a him problem, not a me problem.” Then a few weeks later, I left that department and went back to ICU and you should have seen his face when he came to ICU and I was standing there waiting for him. I made sure to “intimidate” him every time I saw him. It’s funny how he never said shit about me to my boss in ICU. 🙄

  54. When I got my first managerial position we were still writing business letters. I always signed with my initials. Imagine the surprise when the men I dealt with (always men) discovered who was behind those letters!

  55. LoL I use this 🤓 at the end of almost all of my building wide emails I hope it makes me seem more approachable. My appearance tends to give the wrong impression, and people think I'm going to be harsh, gruff, or mean. Really I just want to be helpful, supportive, and for people to feel like they can talk to me if they need to

  56. You should ask them what they mean by "too aggressive" and if they could clarify. I'd also ask them if they feel their comments are being made because you are a woman, and if they'd feel the same if a man sent a similar message. Even better if you have evidence that your communication style is similar to male colleagues. I'm reading

  57. I had this problem. Told my boss I would not be responsible for 100% of the situation. Company policy was that you were not supposed to read emotion into emails that didn’t state any emotion. If she wanted to blame me again for how someone interpreted an email she had better call in HR.

  58. I have had this problem since the 90s. In grad school, we read a bunch of stuff on language myths including Deborah Tannen’s iconic “You Just Dont Understand”. After I read that book, I changed nearly everything about my spoken and written language - few questions, no hedging, no softening/submissive tones, straightforward and direct.

  59. When I lived in the south I was told many times by many different supervisors, managers etc to “soften my language,” or “be friendlier.” Then I did and was accused of being chiding or sarcastic - how can you tell? It’s an email Steve! Whatever. Someone is always going to let their own insecurities and imposter syndrome make them feel attacked by you for doing you job.

  60. Don't sacrifice clarity and efficiency for their egos. You know what it takes to get shit done. These guys need to grow the fuck up.

  61. So I actually have a tone tracker in my Grammarly, I think it is. It's really helped me adapt a concise neutral language by simply switching up a few words here and there. The tonal shift from informative to assertive is pretty small you very well could be coming across a bit harsher than you think. Just worth keeping in the back of your mind. I always appreciate concise language we are all busy!

  62. I was going to suggest this! It's a major challenge in the workplace, and we all actually had to go through a "please try to assume positive intent unless you have reason to believe otherwise" PowerPoint during lockdown. There's concise, and there's terse. Get a bunch of analytics and data people working from home, and you get a lot of "Fine." or "Done." replies.

  63. My name is genderless. I worked at a place where it was decided to include our professional headshots in our email signature. As soon as my vendors saw that I was a woman, there was a dramatic increase in mansplaining, no responses, and unnecessary emails.

  64. In my first six weeks teaching I was taken aside by one of the assistant principles (man) to speak about my email tone. He was this massive ex-army guy and I was 22 and shitting myself in his office. Turns out I was too friendly via email, using too many exclamation points, and I needed to learn how to be concise and professional in my emailing. He also mentioned that I was too emotional in my responses and needed to be informative and neutral.

  65. I encounter this a lot. A simple “no”, is taken as an offense. Like, come on folks. 🤦🏼‍♀️

  66. I started getting this at a nonprofit I used to work at in the last year I was there. I had been writing emails and answering phones the same way--professionally--for 5 years with no complaints. After the executive director was replaced by a man, I started hearing how I needed to "soften my tone". I wondered out loud if I were a man, whether I would have received this kind of feedback. When the next performance review was full of how I don't work well with others, despite glowing reports previously, I took my skills elsewhere.

  67. I’m preparing for my defense and I was told by my PI that I must hate my research because I don’t smile while I talk about it.

  68. As long as you say please and thank you and avoid blame-laying language you should be just fine. Also, match the tone of their emails. So if this male supe isn't sending you smiley faces, don't send him any. Match his tone.

  69. How do your male colleagues write their emails? If they're exactly the same, then there's no reason for you to change a thing. This double standard thing drives me nuts.

  70. You’re a woman? So you are and always will be a problem to some man. Too friendly, too harsh, too sweet, too rude… Whatever you do, you can bet there will be an entitled man to criticize you.

  71. I had the same experience, but with a female colleague. When I interacted with her face-to-face and by email. She wanted me to engage in small talk in every single exchange. I told her supervisor and mine (who sat me down together for this talk) that my ONLY interactions with her were asking her for the daily work she provided me for a senior level, time sensitive report. And the only reason I ever emailed her, or stopped by her desk, was to ask her for that information because she had failed to get it to me on time. And further if this continued I'd be reporting the data to the C-suite without her input and when asked I'd refer to this meeting and her lack of responsibility as indication that my time was being wasted by one, and only one, employee.

  72. I am so glad I work for a Dutch company, omg. They operate so differently for American company culture. Sure, you get some bad apples, but there are are A LOT of strong women where I work who don’t get push back simply for being a woman. My project manager is an absolute lioness who everyone knows is not to be fucked with.

  73. As a guy, any email/text/call…any communication at all that I’m dealing with, is best delivered in bullet points basically. I don’t need or want fluff, I want clear instruction.

  74. I was inside sales support at a construction company. My two salespeople were women. Both of them extremely assertive and there was nary a please or thank you in any emails they sent. Certainly no emojis, and definitely no exclamation points unless they were mad as hell. Both were about a decade younger than me and those messages were a lesson for me! (Both of them were awful, horrible humans, but that could be a whole novel-length post. Regardless of them being assholes, they got shit DONE.) I haven’t worked there for a few years now, but I took those lessons to heart and am far more direct in emails now. It seems to work fine. OP, I’m sorry you’re dealing with manbabies.

  75. This is like my worst nightmare in an office setting. I feel exactly the same you do and could have wrote this post myself.

  76. It’s absolutely pure sexism. I transitioned and it is SO MUCH WORSE—and it got worse the better I passed (I’ve done a lot of voice work and had FFS so I’m like 99% these days), like as soon as people saw me as a woman my input became less valuable, and I became “abrasive” when I was being nicer than I ever had been! People used to just do stuff if I asked, now everything is like trying to nicely pull teeth and I have to ask a million times and Socratic Method these mediocre dudes multiple levels below me into thinking it was their idea. And I have years more experience and I’m much better at my job than I used to be! Every time I work with other women it’s like thank god, finally I’ll be treated like a person again. So frustrating.

  77. I was told that too. I have been doing my job or one similar for 30 years! I am in a role where I have to give direction and solve problems. But I was “too brusque” anywho. Fuckem all. You do you. My previous self would have said to just “tone it a little or add additional nice language” not anymore. Screw em…

  78. I've literally had this response. All I did was use concise and grammatically correct emails. I even still did all the pleasantries and thank you, but it was still too cold and bitchy

  79. I can relate to this so much. I’ve always sent short and concise emails, because no one has time for all the extra stuff and I just don’t care lol. And one day I was called into my boss’s office (who was the head of HR) and was told I need to be nicer in my emails and if she needed to help me compose emails in the future/give me training she will help me……..

  80. People who insist that I’m being mean, stand off ish, or even bitchy can eat my whole fucking asshole. They are being shitty by transferring their shortcomings onto me. Im a fuckin delight to be around thank you very much. I won’t hold punches when I see bullying and that’s fair

  81. Hell no! They can deal with their fragile male egos on their own damn time, you're there to get shit done efficiently not as a pretty adornment, if the asshat can't deal with a strong professional woman then that's a red flag on his part and not your damn problem, stay firm, you got this! Don't let them bully you 😤

  82. Men are so, so sensitive to any criticism from a woman, even if it’s just perceived, and more so if it’s warranted. It’s quite scary, because their reactions are never introspection and change - it’s always aggressively making you change your face into what they feel they have the god-given right to look at.

  83. I detest the many variety of ways I have to change up my verbal and written tone and language to deal with many of the men I deal with. I can’t keep up. Either I’m too aggressive, not sweet enough, or not mean enough. I keep a mental roladex of this shit. Jerry wants to be asked about his kids and he likes a soft tone, Tom needs me to tell him to sit his butt down and wait, etc. on and on. My favourite clients let me be myself.

  84. I got this same talking-to in the goddamn military. Like I need to extra super treat these grown ass men nice because their feelings are delicate. Fuuuuuuuuuck you.

  85. I literally just went through this earlier this week. It wasn’t a coworker, but a business associate. Long story short I made a point to use very neutral and direct language regarding the subject at hand. This guy threw a tantrum that could rival that of a toddler. I could feel the misogyny flowing through the computer screen. I won hundred percent know that he does not speak that way to other associates who are men. And it’s frustrating because I tell my boyfriend about this and he believes it “might” be misogyny . There is no ambiguity…it IS explicitly misogynistic behavior. I’ve experienced it enough to know by now.

  86. It's the worst! Even the responses I've been getting to this post show that. Being asked to post the emails so they can examine them, being told I'm a man hater. All because I want to be taken seriously in my workplace. I'm sorry you've had to experience that ☹️

  87. My first name is typically male and I’m AFAB. When I was in the army and I’d send emails, the people who only knew my name treated me vastly differently than those who knew I was “female” (I’ve since come out as enby) and the difference always really upset me. I literally never changed how I wrote - I was always respectful, concise, to the point, and clear no matter who it was - and I worked in JAG so I needed shit done right and fast and i can’t tell you how many times I had to raise hell when the people who treated me like “the girl” would fuck up my day by not taking me seriously.

  88. I had this happen to me in my 20s. I was told I am abrasive and intimidating. This was coming from my female supervisor. I was just being direct, honestly. Since that time my emails have been littered with various emojis, which is obviously more professional. 🙄

  89. For the longest time I worked in the "male" workplace, construction, butcher, freight for USPS, night lead and manager. I chose to go by Jess professionally instead of Jessica. I can not tell you how many emails where answered quick, correctly and honestly when the other person thought I was male. Hells I still hear, "you hear about this Jess guy, heard he's amazing as a manager" oh yes tell me more. Only when a male came into the workspace and physically saw i was female was I ever told, you need to be nice in emails, you need to smile more, you need to soften your appearance (I chose to wear eyeliner and mascara and hair goes in a bun for work). Why is it a man is strong when he's an asshole in the workplace, a woman is a cold hearted bitch, if she doesn't katow to a man first...

  90. I interact via email with men and women clients for my job. It amazes me how different the tone is in emailing. Men tend to be exactly what you described: clear, concise, direct, to the point. Whereas, the women, generally, are more playful and softer, friendly even.

  91. I’m a big fan of the SBAR format because it gets the point across without a bunch of BS fluff in there, but while also making it clear that you’re using a standard format meant to do so (so Whiny McSadface in accounts payable doesn’t get his undies in a twist). Situation - the one-liner, Background - the supporting info, Assessment - how you’re putting it together, Recommendation - how you’d suggest acting on it. I put the headings in there, sign it as “thanks and happy to discuss further” and move on with my day. Keeps me on track and succinct, and keeps me from starting emails with the dreaded “I’m just writing to…”

  92. Had this same issue! It got so far as being told I was "passive aggressive" for just stating facts. Then my manager started pulling me into calls everytime I sent an email so he could start telling me how I could have worded things nicer

  93. Let the grown ass man cry over doing his job. Keep being as direct and unemotional as possible. They need to get used to it.

  94. "Thank you for your feedback on this issue. I've thoughtfully considered it, and, no. Next issue up for discussion concerning work"?

  95. He's above me but under my supervisor. Unfortunately, I audit his department so I'm sending out emails regarding audit results and it often is about deficiencies. Those deficiencies directly relate to our company getting paid on time and patients continuing to receive treatment.

  96. Demand examples of specific language and examples of how others have addressed similar circumstances using the theoretically "less aggressive" language.

  97. Honest to God I've had this same conversation and I'm absolutely convinced that it boils down to "You're not meeting his expectation."

  98. Sometimes I send emails at work in the form of haikus. I get a laugh out of it and it breaks up the nonsense like this. I’m sorry your having to deal with this.

  99. I was told something similar a few years ago. I just started adding "Thank you for your time" to the end of my emails and it's never been brought up again...

  100. My office always says that emails have no tone, it’s just the way you read them. Whilst I don’t believe that’s true (you can absolutely convey tone in a email), I would ask for clear and specific examples of how you’re offending the male supervisor. Unless you start your email with “Hey D Bag”, I think they’ll be left with nothing to go on.

  101. I was told the same thing! People were offended because they assumed a different tone than what i meant. I told my bosses that it seemed like it was a 'them' problem, not a 'me' problem, and that we work a blue collar job thats pretending to be white collar and people nees to get over themselves. I no longer hold that position within the company. 😬

  102. I had this same problem when I started my current job. I refuse to be flowery but I did discover that providing more information makes people feel better without making me feel like gagging 🤢. So the solution may be just to be less concise

  103. I understand fully and I respect your response. Save your smiles for your face and keep doing your job. I’m hoping all coworkers respect you and approach only with good intentions.

  104. I have heard the same damn thing. And gave the same response. We are not responsible for the emotions of others as society dictates. I'm not brash, mean, aggressive... just literally give the facts and requests. Unless they have something brazenly wrong, screw em. And I'm making a vast assumption that said person never came to you first, which by most policies is the first course of action. Maybe consult the employee handbook and have that extra backing in case Mr ego tries this shit again

  105. I occasionally face this issue but not with male colleagues specifically. I make it a point to be clear and concise, and I have one female colleague in particular who writes a novel on every email but misses key details in what I tell her and asks multiple times, then gets offended when I restate the same clear, concise information. There’s no winning with some people.

  106. You tell your supervisor you’re not paid enough to stroke egos and you’ll continue being fair and clear and concise in your communication with work peers … you’re not there to be best buds you’re there to work and take home a paycheck

  107. Forbes ran an article about women being labeled as aggressive. The article mentioned a study of 200 performance reviews in a company in which the employee was called “aggressive.” 76% of the time, the employees were women. What are surprise! 🙄

  108. If there's one thing that trans people learn, it's how differently one's use of language is perceived once you are presenting full-time in your gender.... stuff that was aggressive or bitchy before is now seen as straightforward and efficient for me ( ftm ).

  109. Don’t give a fucking INCH! He can list the words that hurt his wittle feewings and then take that list and shove it up his already stick-occupied ass!

  110. I always adapt my emails to the communication preferences of whoever I'm engaging if I want to be understood. I think all you've done is identify a sexist in your workplace.

  111. I worked with a guy like this before. He took everything personally. Anything anybody did or said he took as some sort of attack on him.

  112. “He brought up” is all I needed to hear. Sorry, I’m slanted. I’m sick of playing their games! Be your radical self, but just don’t get fired?! ❤️

  113. Im just starting off in the working world, and I gotta admit I am really struggling with the professional work language

  114. Why are we always expected to shrink ourselves or make ourselves small to make other adults feel comfortable? I'm labeled "confrontational" because I ask questions. I don't speculate, I go straight to the source. I'm also the 13th man, I "always have to highlight something that no one else is thinking of. So you're mad at me for having experience and knowledge and trying to prevent errors or mistakes? And don't let me speak passionately in a calm, even tone, I then become "the angry black girl".. LOL ok, they're just afraid of us because they recognize the power of feminine energy.

  115. Oh my gosh, I can relate. I still feel the need to use exclamation points and smiley faces. I really wish I didn’t.

  116. If the other supervisor can't do his job because his emails are too aggressive and he needs smileys and hearts, he should probably find another job

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