Too slow to run, too fast to walk

  1. A lot of games these days rubberband the escortees so they slow down and stop if they get ahead of you and speed up if they get behind you (or if you get too close to them if they're supposed to lead you somewhere)

  2. H:FW had a bunch of little quality of life things like this. One of the best and most subtle ones IMO was the gyro aiming, where you can physically move the controller to nudge the crosshairs just that little bit for a headshot

  3. They let you go get stuff like herbs, even say stuff like "where are you going?" for immersion purposes...

  4. Borderlands does something similar. Invulnerable NPCs that can help revive you sometimes. NPCs move at running speed, although with some characters having a movement speed boost may not mean much.

  5. Control just teleports Wells to you at certain checkpoints if he's too far behind. There's also only one (short) escort mission in the game. And he might be immortal?

  6. if you design a quest where i need to follow an npc and they move slower than my running speed but faster than my walking speed you are banned from making video games for one year

  7. Or have it that you can walk along side them for a few seconds and it toggles auto-follow.

  8. if you design a quest where i need to follow an npc and they move slower than my running speed but faster than my walking speed you are banned from making video games for one year

  9. It is designed that way so you can distract yourself on the way and reach the npc at anytime. It is a purposeful thing.

  10. Actual game designers who know that making games is a long process that usually takes way more than a year nowadays

  11. I loved these quests in nier, they’re like a family guy joke where you laugh at how slow they are, get annoyed with how long it’s taking, then laughing again because they’re screwing with you and it’s working

  12. Escort quest in an online game and the leash to the NPC gets too long and you fail the quest. Or the NPC dies because you lagged and didn’t see it get attacked. FML LOL!

  13. Shout out to ghost of tsushima that solved the problem by rubber banding you to the npc.

  14. yes, but people say "should of" and abbreviate so often that i'm surprised people can communicate what with all the misspellings i see everywhere

  15. Escort missions: having to keep alive the suicidal village idiot with zero combat skill or common sense through hundreds of miles of enemy territory for which you receive…….. one shiny copper piece!

  16. Yeah initially I was thinking this was a rip off of that one Shen comic but come to think of it maybe there are a lot of these.

  17. Plus this one is so LAZY, it’s just essentially stick figures with no features re enacting a tiiiired joke

  18. Worst one is goldeneye for n64 when you have to escort Natasha I think it was before the jungle level , Jesus that was fucking bullshit on the hardest mode

  19. Nonsense. What about the classic "I should be productive today! Oh no I wasn't productive today!" that literally every single hack webcomic artist has drawn?

  20. Shout out to the final post-game mission of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Time/Dark/Sky, which pits you against a boss and all his mobs while escorting an NPC that is weak to said boss.

  21. It's always "stand within personal comfort bubble or auto fail" and never just "make sure this idiot gets from point A to B" like why can't you figure this shit out developers?

  22. Idk why games can't just cap your walk speed to the same as the NPC for these missions and let you run when there's battles. I feel like it'd add to the atmosphere quite a bit. Or y'know just don't have escort missions.

  23. I believe in WoW that there’s a quest to escort a frail granny. The granny doesn’t need escorting as she whips out summons and magic to get from point A to point B. She just want some companionship.

  24. “It would be a shame if I were to get hung up on a plant clipping through this table and moonwalk in place while absorbing the 4 bullets needed to kill me before the ‘Mission Failed’ prompt flashes across the screen….”

  25. The supernova of microtransactions consumes the entire solar system of the gaming civilization as it squabbles with itself.

  26. I love games where the person you escort adapt their pace to your pace so if you walk they walk, if you run they run.

  27. Zero heath, follows you too closely to kill enemies without killing your escortee, screen too small to see enemies before they hit him. Rescuing Colbor in Megaman Zero is a nightmare.

  28. I don't care about the walk-run stuff. Bethesda seems to love adding what I call "dragged through broken glass" escort quests. Meet an NPC on one end of the map, they will lead you to someplace important. Across the map. Will they take the most obvious safe established roads? Oh hell no. They will stir up every hazard, ooze pit, step on sleeping panthers, sprint through a minefield, attract the attention of muggers, wander through a drug den, clamber down a cliff, swim past sharks, etc.

  29. Or the timed levels in otherwise open platformers. I'm already challenged by the maze of various traps and mobs enough as it is already. Having to make certain jumps is one thing and now I'm getting pushed off a ledge into the abyss no matter what.

  30. Worst escort quest I can think of that I've done has to be Fallout New Vegas Zion Canyon taking the baby Bighorn back to it's group worst one I've ever done never doing it again NEVER

  31. I was playing AC Valhalla the other day and some mfer straight up stopped when I got like 20' ahead of them. Still could easily see me but stopped.

  32. The accuracy of this burns. Especially that one escort mission in the N64 Goldeneye...... Natalya is still stuck, running into a wall.

  33. I’m an old gamer and though about this comic remembering those terrible escort quests in World of Warcraft. But I hope new game designers learned from those mistakes

  34. Don’t forget those quest where you need to go pick something up for 1 person to only find out it’s been traded or lent to 67289 people and you have to track down and trade/work for all 67289 people before getting the original item you were after to take it back to the first person.

  35. Oh so true hate escort quests they need to set up tables as you go where you can play a game to earn coin while you wait for your charge to.catch up lol

  36. Escort missions are the most annoying. They are not even fun. It is all about not getting frustrated.

  37. Ya know, at first I thought this was some sorta joke about those old Mafia City "That's how Mafia Works" ads. Then I saw the last panel and I had to reread the whole thing.

  38. Nowadays a lot of escort quests leash the npc to the player and have them disappear if you move away form the proposed path too far, only to reappear when you get back to that path. That whole thing just needs to become the industry norm imo.

  39. replacing escort quests in my "fuck this shit" top tier list is the latest fascination with "tail this dork while remaining undetected" quest. Bonus points when it's an instant fail back to start if they catch the slightest glimpse of you, and the daily double is awarded when they either knew you were following them the whole time or you get spotted at the end during the cutscene anyway and following them didn't even have any significance on the plot.

  40. Or the earlier Assassins Creed games where you had to follow them and started to "lose" them if you failed to maintain line of sight... despite the fact that you're staring right at them through the wall using eagle vision.

  41. While playing MMOs, my buddy and I imagine 2 different developers working on quests. One is Bob, the other Tom. If a quest is a "kill x mobs", it must have been designed by Bob. If it is a "pick up x whatevers" that DROP off a mob at a %, it was designed by Tom. If it is an escort quest where the NPC runs at your speed who even follows you, that's Bob. One who moves slower than walk speed on their own preset path? That's Tom. It was always fun to do a quest with a crappy drop rate for my buddy to utter "fucking Tom", and immediately know what he was talking about.

  42. Protect building/structure/mechanism until objective can be completed is just as annoying imo.

  43. "All right, here's your rocket launcher, your orbital laser targeting device, your battle wagon with mounted machine gun, and what the heck, here's a handheld machine gun that would turn your bones to paste if you tried to use it that way IRL. NOW STEALTH."

  44. Escort missions are thankfully not as bad as they used to be. I think the last truly terrible escort missions I've played were in Dragons Dogma

  45. I know there are worse ones out there, but to me the most infuriating one is escorting the wagon to Gran Soren near the beginning of Dragon's Dogma. It moves SO. FUCKING. SLOW.

  46. Ghost of Tsushima did these great. They run when you run, walk when you walk, always maintain your speed.

  47. As a Warcraft vet (Vanilla to Siege of Orgrimmar), the one I hated most was pre-Cata's escort quest in the southern end of Darkshore (Nelf zone right after you left Teldrassil) where you had to protect a caravan going north.

  48. Then you get that 1/1000 game where if they get too far in front of you they stop but if you get too close to them they speed up to be slightly ahead of you. Good times when it happens.

  49. Nah. Those are not a problem for very long time now. These days if implemented, NPC just followed you and next stage is trigerred by the player, not NPC. And noc remine invisible to the enemy.

  50. The "timed mission with long series of jumps you can fail, which has no checkpoints, and only starts after a long cutscene even if you reload your save" would like to have a word.

  51. I believe it was Destiny 2 where the opening playable sequence has you following a character around on foot... Unskippable... And the character doesn't run or fight.

  52. This reminds me of the very meta quest in Borderlands 3 where you are helping someone test their Augmented reality video game. It’s a big escort quest that includes literal pay walls and the NPC you escort is in T pose walking so badly. Props to Gearbox with their creativity

  53. Been replaying perfect dark for the first time on Xbox one with the nice 60fps. Mission three -- stupid ass floating laptop doctor you have to keep alive while an attack helicopter stalks you.

  54. Escorted target also walks faster than your walk speed, but slower than your run speed. Also the escort picks their own targets, ignoring the ranged unit pounding you from far away or the 5 units mincing you. All without stopping to fight and if you get further than 5 meters away you have to do it all over again. Specially at the end of the 5 minute quest.

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